leprechaun13
Account Closed
- Impact
- 1
Here A few to get started
COMPUTERS
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
Q: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
A: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."
Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer?
A: You get a short circut.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed... Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
Computer Industry Acronyms: WINDOWS : Will Install Needless Data On Whole System, APPLE : Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity, IBM : I Blame Microsoft, MICROSOFT : Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers, MACINTOSH : Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
Blondes
Q: Do you know what is black and blue and found in a ditch?
A: A man who told one to many blonde jokes.
There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..." until a blonde came up to her and said, "that looks like fun, can I try?" The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.." "Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street" So the blonde said "OK" and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened. Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89...
A blond walks into a hair salon, wearing headphones.The beautician said that headphones were not allowed. So the blonde took them off. She sat on the couch and died after some time.The beautician later played the headphones, they were saying:breath in,breath out,breath in,breath out.........
COMPUTERS
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
Q: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
A: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."
Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer?
A: You get a short circut.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed... Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
Computer Industry Acronyms: WINDOWS : Will Install Needless Data On Whole System, APPLE : Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity, IBM : I Blame Microsoft, MICROSOFT : Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers, MACINTOSH : Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs.
Blondes
Q: Do you know what is black and blue and found in a ditch?
A: A man who told one to many blonde jokes.
There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..." until a blonde came up to her and said, "that looks like fun, can I try?" The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.." "Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street" So the blonde said "OK" and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened. Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89...
A blond walks into a hair salon, wearing headphones.The beautician said that headphones were not allowed. So the blonde took them off. She sat on the couch and died after some time.The beautician later played the headphones, they were saying:breath in,breath out,breath in,breath out.........
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