Need a few experienced eyeballs and readers

[Larry]

Trying to finish up one of our ebook projects and I could use a few experienced eyeballs to take a look and offer some critical feedback:


what does it need to juice it up and make it more interesting? both the design and the text.


http://unclaimedpropertyguide.com



thanks!

 

[Coastalguy]

I would jazz up your font and color (the plain black font lends itself to skimming through IMO).

Nice otherwise,

ST

 

[Larry]

thanks scott.


the bold text is actually blue...does it look black to you?

suggestions on font?

 

[RJ]

Looks pretty good, Larry. I would just make a few minor design changes to make it more exciting. It feels a little 'ho hum' right now.

Change the header so that is grabs attention a little better.

Add some photo visuals, even if it's just a stack of money that represents how much money is out there, or a happy person discovering their unclaimed $100k.

Spice up your bullet points with images. Dots or arrows to draw attention to your lists.

Could examples to feed off of for format changes
http://www.ecovergenerator.com/
http:://www.googlecash.com

Content wise, I got down to this part

How to find unclaimed money and property

Many states have set up websites to help you in your search for any money or property that you might be owed. You can also contact your state and ask them to send you information on filing a claim.

Sounds like I should stop reading this page and go hit Google to find my state's website instead. How about losing this paragraph and letting the reader know in the bullets below that you'll find a state-by-state guide to locating unclaimed money in your guide.

And the next paragraph

Need more information? We can help! We have compiled a small manual with additional information on how to find money or property that belongs to you. Included in this information packed manual:

Don't ask me if I need more information, I might say no. Just assume I'm as excited about the product as you are telling me. Tell me all the neat things I'm going to get as soon as I send you my $12. Hook me here and I'm a sure sale.



Best of luck.

 

[Larry]

Great points RJ....I knew it needed some juicing but sometimes the creative flow has ebbed and you just need some thoughts to get them moving again.

The trick for me on this site is not over hyping. I'm trying to come off as "not the same old one page sales site" while trying to be a one page sales site.

 

[Kodeking]

RJ, you should teach english classes for a living, look into it!

 

[Larry]

ok, updated a few things. I need to add the following:

1) ebook next to the top text and at the bottom

2) a few pictures.


but apart from that i think the copy is much better than it was and the site looks better.


please provide some feedback!


thanks,

Larry

 

[Larry]

ok, sites done (maybe?)


any thoughts? what else does it need?

http://unclaimedpropertyguide.com

 

[RJ]

Now that's exciting! :D Nice enhancements, Larry.

Looks like theres an empty column on the right in the main body of the text. Supposed to be like that?

 

[Matt]

Umm, just a few small things from "that guy"

The dark blue/grey with the dark gold is a little dark, however, the rest of the site does lighten it up.

I agree, with RJ, it looks like there is a whole missing colum on the right of about 120 pixels. You might want to centralise the table its in.

Lastly, the image at the top, is one big "link". I assume that wont be the case and you're going to make it an image map?

Rgds

Matt

 

[Larry]

Thanks all..

Yes sy4, the image will be a map as soon as the site goes live.

There is a gap on the right isn;t there...I despise IE.


Thanks for the feedback,

larry

Fixed...thanks again RJ and sy4

 

[Coastalguy]

MUCH BETTER! Makes me want to read the whole page now.

ST

 

[Larry]

Thanks scott....I like it...


now I need to go sell it

 

[THESTOKIE]

ok i took a quick look and at 1st glance i thought scam might be because i only read the 1st few lines but that jumped right out at me sorry

 

[Larry]

Originally posted by Larry
Trying to finish up one of our ebook projects and I could use a few experienced eyeballs to take a look and offer some critical feedback:


what does it need to juice it up and make it more interesting? both the design and the text.


http://unclaimedpropertyguide.com



thanks!

Well then...let me take the site down and apologize to THESTOKIE


I said "experienced" eyeballs....not chuldish personal opinions about the product.

Go away kid...you bother me.

 

[SlashRoot.Com]

Hi Larry,

Your site/copy is looking much better now.

Additional comments are inlined below.

Originally posted by Larry
Well then...let me take the site down and apologize to THESTOKIE

I don't think you need to take the site down. An apology to him for making this remark: Priceless!

I said "experienced" eyeballs....not chuldish personal opinions about the product.

Is your client base pre-screened to be equipped with "experienced eyeballs" only"?

Unless you are getting a highly targetted, prescreened traffic, some of your customers might very well be Average Joe Public, equipped with not-so-experienced eyeballs, but equally crisp dollar bills.

Go away kid...you bother me.

I am sorry, Larry, but I find this to be quite harsh and inapproopriate response to your fellow NP'er.

Any feedback you get from a fellow domainer here should be received with gratitude -especially those that may come across as "negative" at the first glance.

When I request help/input/appraisal from fellow domainers here, I pay special attention to any thumbs-down remarks. There is usually a lot to learn from those.

If you react so acidly to those that may post a negative remark/feedback/appraisal, not many will participate in your threads.

FWIW, I have carefully read your copy, and I also feel that you only stand to gain more if it does not come across as something "too good to be true."

I hope I have not earned your wrath by pointing this out.



Take it easy everybody! Chill Out!

SlashRoot.Com

 

[Larry]

thanks for the feedback slash...

my poiint was simply that I dont have time for, nor do I cater to, children... and comments like "scam" from underage users is not helpful in any way..

Historically teen and preteen sites have problems generating income...so opinions representing those dollars mean nothing to me.

I realize this site has a large number of underage members but the opinion of those users, unless they (in this instance) have extensive experience with ebook sites, is useless to me.

If that is offensive to you or other users here..well...to bad

As per my original post..I was interested in the opinion of people with experience in direct sales pitches and direct sale websites.

Any other opinions offered were not solicited and therefore subject to the opinion (read wrath) of the thread starter.

Larry

 

[SlashRoot.Com]

I didn't say I found anything offensive there.

Good luck with your site, Larry.