So, I spent 3 hours today at a crisis clinic. Despite all of the supplements that I am taking to reduce cortisol., all my exercise, and even 10 hours in a 180 degree sauna last week, I still can't shake the anxiety that causes me to awake at night with jolts of electrical impulses, and my hands tremble while I try to type on my computer. So, I left my new job early today to go to a crisis center. Surely they must have something to get this to stop.
If anyone knew the history of my story, they would understand the reason that this has been just so devastating for me. Selling Candida.com should have been a joyous occasion for me. Sadly, it has been the opposite.
I was terribly sick with Candida ( a systemic fungal condition) from 2000-2008. Eight years of pure hell. I was misdiagnosed with so many different health conditions, it would blow your mind. Doctors were medicating me, and giving me one health diagnosis after another. And I was on a lot of medication and seeing doc's on a regular basis became a part of my life. Then, one day, after doing research online, I figured it out, on my own, and I self treated for it at home, and did a major detox. It took me two years to recover. While I was out of work, and healing, I founded a non profit to raise awareness of the Candida health condition, and then I sold part of my 401K plan to buy Candida.com, so that I could create a place for Candida sufferers to find help. But, it was not a successful venture, well not a profitable one. While I was out of work, I depleted every penny I had ever saved to recover my health. And fortunately, I did. I was 48, and I was flat broke and starting all over again. I moved to California to stay with family, and to go back to work.
That was 12 years ago this month. I slowly crawled back to life, day by day. But I never recovered financially. I left my Candida.com website up, with valuable information on how to get well, and I am sure that I helped a great many people over those years. But I needed to sell it to recover financially, and when I sold it on September 28th, 2022, I cannot tell you how elated I was. That something had finally come back to me, and that everything I did to help everyone all these years had actually come back to me in a good way. I thanked God. I felt a sense of relief and thought I actually might be able to retire one day.
But here I am six months later, back to the days of visiting doctors, taking new supplements, and on the verge of a panic attack day and night. Today, I was at a crisis center for three hours, trying to get help.
Candida.com was personal and meaningful to me, because I bought it with purpose. And for good in the world. I know that God intended for that reward to come back to me, and not for someone else to steal it from me. And I know that God is watching.