The year's best actaul headlines

[vip-ip]

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:


Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really]?

Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far]!
Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy]!

Miners Refuse
to Work
after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]!

Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial]!


War Dims Hope
for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think]?
Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought]!


Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something]!

Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]?

Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge]!


New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough]?

Astronaut Takes
Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make
Nutritious
Snacks
[ Taste like chicken?]

Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued
by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE
LIGHT
GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK
OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON
THE
DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING
YOUR
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON
THE
1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL
DOESN'T
WORK)

Got this in my e-mail this afternoon

 

[Gene]

These had me literally laughing out loud! Thanks

 

[Sabre]

:lol:

Good ones, heard a couple before, but most of them are great :D

 

[Coastalguy]

Thanks for sharing...funny stuff!

ST

 

[ZuraX]

When I was a kid I use to go for rides with my uncle to visit his friends and drive back country roads looking for cars for sale. My uncle use to find cars for like $200 or so and resell them to others for a lot more. Like if he knew a guy wanted a certain kind of car to rebuild we would go looking for one. Be amazed what some farmers got out in the barn or field.

Well there was this one field we use to drive by that had a BIG red sign with white letters. It use to say something like. Yes you may cut through our field but please make sure you can do it in X seconds because the bull can do it in X seconds + 1.
I never seen the bull but always wondered if the sign was for real or just to keep people off the land....

 

[True_Snake]

:lol:

Thanks :] !


True_Snake