The Archangel Speaks (Open letter to all NP'ers)

[Archangel]

Hello NP'ers:

I've considered doing this for quite some time but I never felt that I should. But I've heard a few recent comments that swayed my opinion enough to do this. They say that every life has a story, no matter how inane. I have a story, too, which I feel you should read. I have it on a website that I own; I'll do something more with the site at a later time. I'm asking you all to visit my site and read about my life--past and present. I am not making this request out of a desire for pity or to display arrogance/being pretentious. The story of my life isn't a pretty one and as bad as my life is, I wanted to share it with people. Go to www.randypendleton.com and read up on my so-called life.

The story on RandyPendleton.com was written early last year, as a make-up assignment for college. I took a semester of college when I was about 21; I couldn't go at 18 because of three major operations and many months of therapy that followed. I decided to stay home from college, after one semester, so I could devote my time into a writing career. I have my first novel written but it'll be revised and polished throughout the summer and perhaps the early fall. I plan to start on my autobiography later this year, if nothing holds me back.

Jumping to the present, everything in the story still proves true. The loss of blood circulation in my legs is still present; surgery can never fix the problem without death being such a high risk. The tumors in my head and back, well, I'm not sure. I undergo an MRI on my brain & spine twice a year at the least. My next is scheduled for September. My hearing is still gone... I don't know what keeps me running without hearing So many ppl have told me they'd kill themself had they lost their hearing, unable to make it through life being deaf. I've been deaf for almost 7 years now. I think the thing that keeps me going is faith. I have faith in that I should have a better life soon. I have faith that my hearing will be replaced in time (there are operations that give back partial hearing but right now, the tumors in my head won't allow for it). Some say I'm crazy but I have faith and hope, both. Without those--not believing things will get better--I'd have killed myself long ago. But I'm still here and hopefully, I'll be here for a long, long time.

I've had many people tell me the same thing: "If there's anything I can do for you, please let me know." I've read a thread that discussed the needs of a girl named Christine. I've long, long wanted to help her but seeing as I'm unemployed, due to my physical handicaps, I haven't the chance to do so. I cannot be helped by another entity. Doctors cannot even save me. All I can do is hope that nothing gets worse and out of control. But it's different with Christine. I do not know her nor does she know me. But I cannot bear to watch on as an innocent lies ill, in dire need of a miracle. If I had a thousand dollars, I'd send it her way. Unfortunately, I haven't the money. If you'd like to help me in any way, please do me a favor and send a donation in Christine's direction. If you have a dollar, 10 dollars, even a hundred--don't splurge it on domains or web hosting. (Of course, if you know anyone who could help in any other way, such as a donor, please get them involved.) Life is short and it's not always bright. My mother, for example, died of cancer at the young age of 32. Life is precious, moreso than you probably think. I wish that I could be saved but that likely will never happen. But you are given a chance to save a life--Christine's. I don't care about myself enough to put myself in front of another more deserving. She has my prayers; if I had several thousand dollars to give to her, she's have more from me than that. Drop by this thread and lend a hand. It'd mean more to me than you might ever believe.

I want to say, for those who've offered me kind words, thank you for them. It really helps when ppl give me encouragement. Without it, I don't know what I'd do. I sincerely hope you're all healthy and in good shape. I wish that upon everyone. My case is pretty severe, thus I doubt I'll ever be healthy in body. My healthy spirits, I believe, is as much compensation as I'll ever get. Hopefully, that'll be enough.

--Randy

(A part of this was taken from a PM I wrote. I didn't feel like typing everything out again.)

 

[kev]

sorry to hear of your plight mate

Keep strong and live life to the full :tu:

kevin

 

[UD]

I read your whole story on your site.. I'm overwhelmed with sorrow..

 

[Archangel]

sorry to hear of your plight mate

Keep strong and live life to the full :tu:

kevin

Thanks -- I'll try just that

I read your whole story on your site.. I'm overwhelmed with sorrow..

A lotta ppl ask me about it all and telling the story over and over got hard... so I put that piece of writing online. I mentioned Christine because, well, I figured that if I made this thread, then maybe someone could benefit from it. As explained in my site, my problems are incurable. But Christine's isn't.

Hope ppl like this little story of mine. I think there's a lesson or two in it.

 

[franchise]

Randy,
I just wanted to put a few thoughts out there. You are fortunate to truly have a gift of communication. Your ability to paint pictures with words has indeed allowed you to share your story (painful and touching) as it may be.

I truely believe that we all have a choice to make every moment of every day. Given our circumstances and story...we have the ability to choose how the story unfolds through our actions and thoughts during each moment. Maybe not in it's entirety, however, I believe we choose what matters most. No one will ever control the physical. No one will ever control tomorrow. In many ways the playing field becomes level in terms of our destiny. However, we all have a choice in who we are (the part that matters.)

Some people are pretty, some our tall, some are born into wealth, some are sick, some are in pain....but the beauty of a person is in his actions, thoughts, feelings. I've seen and met many people that "have it all" and shine no light on this world. I've also met people that live with such "challenges" that are a beacon of light and hope. I guess it's just a matter of 'who' they chose to be.

I believe your ray of light can burn bright and has the potential to shine very far. Light in my opinion isn't measured in terms of length but in brightness.....

Keep shining.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

N Fran

 

[GeneCosta]

Can I assume you've found some comfort in writing?

Your website tells a lot about your character. To think someone has to deal with all that, and at such a young age. There's not much I can say. I'm sure you've heard a lot already.

 

[Archangel]

Thanks, franchise.

This world isn't a fair place to be. Some use the phrase, "Heaven and Hell is on earth." I've seen the phrase "nice guy finishes last" used often. It's funny when everything seems like your name was drawn from a bowl and some higher figure then pronounces you a scapegoat, fodder for the rest. I'm not saying that I had been but it seems that way. I'm a good guy. I 99.9% never lie, never steal--I never even say God's name in vain. But there must exist a patsy somewhere. Whose turn it is to play as God's hackey-sack is only learned once the dishonor of being it falls upon you. All that is certain is the individual rechristened as the scapegoat can be anyone. A poor nun can be raped and killed in a church during Sunday services while some other guy makes his fame as a porn star and, when low on funds, steals his income. There are a lot of ways to say it, but I think the easiest is quoting a Black Sabbath song: "It's Heaven and Hell."

Am I the scapegoat? Am I the hackey-sack? I'm not certain. On that, I'll leave it up to you people to contemplate. But if I'm to rechristen myself, I'll call myself a beacon. I live a dark life, a painful one that, in all likelyhood, will only get worse. But I try to make my little world as bright as I can, for myself and others. I've been known to help many people with things that are too random to list, although many of them were contemplations of suicide and things of that magnatude. I try with every ounce of me to help everyone I can; that has actually burned me many times but I'm still practicing my approach. I only hope that I can help everyone to my best ability. I'm no God nor deity, so I'm limited. But I do try to help people see things a little clearer. I have it bad -- very bad. The only good in that is I can convince people that their problems are simplistic. Sometimes ppl just have to pull away, re-analyze the picture and find it in themselves to say, "I have it bad but noy as bad as I thought." Hackey-sack or not, I assume I have a purpose, and I'm trying to fulfill it. I mean, I shine enough light into my world. Keeping all the excess would be greedy.

Can I assume you've found some comfort in writing?

Your website tells a lot about your character. To think someone has to deal with all that, and at such a young age. There's not much I can say. I'm sure you've heard a lot already.

One of my only comforts is with writing. My mom was a good writer... but she was never able to explore it. She passed away on a Friday the 13th, in June of 1997. I got my ability from her, and I want to use it. I have many projects underway. For starters, I have a novel written that needs its revisions; it should be ready in a few months. Many have told me that I should write an autobiography. I plan to start on one late in the year. I'm also working on a poetry book. I have a lot of my work in www.poetryrealm.com (which I own; the site needs reparations, I know) but my best works are not online. They'll be made public soon.