humor Share a Joke

[jdab]

Everyone likes a laugh, so share a joke with others in this thread!

I'll get the ball rolling...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

 

[briguy]

Little Brian calls 911, "Hello? I need your help!"
911: "Alright, What is the problem?"
Little Brian: "Two girls are fighting over me!"
911: "So what's your emergency?"
Little Brian: "The ugly one is winning


source

 

[jdab]

How to fall downstairs.
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8, 9, 10, 11

 

[jdab]

My wife told me that when she took the kids to school there was a crunching noise when she put the car into reverse.

So I put on my overalls, got my tools and re-hung the garage door.

 

[james haw]

My faves (that I can post here):

There are two cows in a field, one cow goes:
"Moooo"
The other one says:
"Git, I wanted to say that"


Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other:
"Hey, can you smell carrots?"

 

[briguy]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Well, anyone can roast beef......

 

[ulterios]

Q: How many schizophreniacs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so...

 

[gemstar]

Women are like domain names..All the good ones are already taken

 

[ulterios]

Women are like domain names..All the good ones are already taken

Women are like domain names. All the good ones are taken, but you can still get a decent one from another country.

 

[briguy]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?



How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer.

 

[RogueWriter]

So this Grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey I serve a drink named after you!"

The Grsshopper looks puzzled and says, "You make a drink named Steve?"

 

[ulterios]

How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two of them. One to hold the bulb and the other to drink until the room starts spinning!

 

[briguy]

How do you keep a idiot in suspense.....I will tell you later..

 

[Chirag]

How do you keep a idiot in suspense.....I will tell you later..

I like suspense...

 

[kite26]

-Can you marry me 2 times?
-Yeah, marryme.com & marry.me!

 

[Axc]

How do you confuse an idiot? purple

 

[james haw]

How do you confuse an idiot? purple

I don't get it.

 

[markossy]

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?


A: A hooker will stop trying to screw you once you''re dead.

 

[Axc]

I don't get it.

ive confused myself

 

[alcy]

Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.

 

[kite26]

-What's up folk?
-Mixed news, 1 good and 1 bad.
-Really? Tell me!
-News.com and news.sucks

 

[deez007]

So During ThanksGiving, Obama gives Putin a call and invites to come over to the US for thanks- giving dinner with the Obama family.

Putin was happy to accept the invite and agreed to join the Obama's.

Obama then said to Putin "I'm glad to hear you will be joining us, are there any special meals or special requests that you would like?"

Putin replies "No no not at all, It's thanksgiving... all I want is Turkey on a platter!"

 

[Axc]

Got a new dog for my wife.I thought it was a good trade

 

[gareth1614]

Conjunctivitis.com

- There's a site for sore eyes.

 

[AndyM]

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say "Hellooo from the other side"