humor Share a Joke

[jdab]

Everyone likes a laugh, so share a joke with others in this thread!

I'll get the ball rolling...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

 

[briguy]

Little Brian calls 911, "Hello? I need your help!"
911: "Alright, What is the problem?"
Little Brian: "Two girls are fighting over me!"
911: "So what's your emergency?"
Little Brian: "The ugly one is winning


source

 

[jdab]

How to fall downstairs.
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8, 9, 10, 11

 

[jdab]

My wife told me that when she took the kids to school there was a crunching noise when she put the car into reverse.

So I put on my overalls, got my tools and re-hung the garage door.

 

[james haw]

My faves (that I can post here):

There are two cows in a field, one cow goes:
"Moooo"
The other one says:
"Git, I wanted to say that"


Two snowmen in a field, one says to the other:
"Hey, can you smell carrots?"

 

[briguy]

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Well, anyone can roast beef......

 

[ulterios]

Q: How many schizophreniacs does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so...

 

[gemstar]

Women are like domain names..All the good ones are already taken

 

[ulterios]

Women are like domain names..All the good ones are already taken

Women are like domain names. All the good ones are taken, but you can still get a decent one from another country.

 

[briguy]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?



How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer.

 

[RogueWriter]

So this Grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey I serve a drink named after you!"

The Grsshopper looks puzzled and says, "You make a drink named Steve?"

 

[ulterios]

How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two of them. One to hold the bulb and the other to drink until the room starts spinning!

 

[briguy]

How do you keep a idiot in suspense.....I will tell you later..

 

[Chirag]

How do you keep a idiot in suspense.....I will tell you later..

I like suspense...

 

[kite26]

-Can you marry me 2 times?
-Yeah, marryme.com & marry.me!

 

[Axc]

How do you confuse an idiot? purple

 

[james haw]

How do you confuse an idiot? purple

I don't get it.

 

[markossy]

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?


A: A hooker will stop trying to screw you once you''re dead.

 

[Axc]

I don't get it.

ive confused myself

 

[alcy]

Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.