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entertainment Joke/picture of the day - Whatever make people laugh

Post your joke here to make other people laugh and happy.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
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So little Johnnys parents were getting a divorce, and both wanted custody.
So, the judge asks him if he wanted to live with his mom.
"Oh no", says Johnny, "please, not my mom, she beats me all the time"
So, the judge says, "then I guess you want to live with your dad.
"No, no, no," says Johnny, "not my dad, he beats be too."
"Well then, asks the judge, "who do you want to live with?"
Johnny thinks about it for a minute or two, and then tells the judge,
"I want to live with the Lakers, they don't beat anybody."

(Insert team as needed)

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Why You Should Make Love Once A Year​

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled,
“How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.
“Once a week?” A third of 
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant.
“Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks,
“OK, how about once a year?”

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man yells, “Today’s the day!”
A Blonde is at the pet store shopping for a sweater for her dog's 3rd birthday.
After much hemming and hawing, the salesperson came over.
"I just can't figure out which size would be right for her," she said.
"Why don't you just bring your dog in and get the right one?" asked the clerk.
Blonde looks blankly at the clerk, "It's supposed to be a surprise."
Musings for the times

1. The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.

2. I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.

3. 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.

4. The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!

5. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house & told my cat. We laughed a lot.

6. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

7. Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?

8. This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!

9. I never thought the comment, "I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6-foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are!

10. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

11. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I'm getting tired of the Living Room.

12. Appropriate analogy. "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now" is like saying "The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now."

13. Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & asking for money.
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