Wife & Husband Jokes

[Brand Herald]

Wife : Honey..... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U ' ve been reading our marriage certificate for
an hour??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.

**********

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures you
Continue to do so.


**********

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

**********

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
can there be greater than this one?"

**********

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and
lighten your burden.

Boy: It ' s very kind of you, darling, But I don ' t have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that ' s because we aren ' t married yet.

**********
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy ' s lap.

**********

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
father hadn ' t left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I ' d have married you NO MATTER
WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

**********
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

**********
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: " Billionaire"

**********
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I ' ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

**********
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me: my pretty face
or my body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:"I like your sense of
humor."

 

[Michelle]

Lol

 

[eggymusic]

wow these are funny

 

[James]

Great Jokes

 

[Easydoms]

Nice one, even my partner saw the funny side of them, she must still be in the xmas spirit he he

 

[Keral_Patel]

My wife: I want a divorce.
Me: Please do some work and let me do my work.

 

[Phoebe_]

lol I love the last one.. so mean!

 

[hubbychan]

lol..thats hilarious..thanks for the laugh..really need it..

 

[Waiter]

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

 

[Michelle]

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

:yell:

 

[Hive]

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I ' ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

:lol:

great jokes

 

[briguy]

Just to add to this thread
Husband :Great news..Just won the lottery and pack your bags!

Wife : Wow..where are we going??

Husband : I am not going any where.

 

[Ultimatum]

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher!