so heres the deal.
after a few years of accumulating tv's i finally realized what a foolish bet i'd made. way too late. too late to even stop because my plan hinged on obtaining a "critical mass" of top shelf names and i felt i was only "half way" there. so i kept going despite my growing reservations knowing that the only way out was thru.
its really hard to know when that halfway mark is past.
so on that level i feel trapped and unless something changes awfully damn soon i will be financially crushed (great news for some who might want to grab my former holdings as they drop - if that happens).
so that maybe goes a little ways toward why i've been the sourest pus youd ever have the displeasure to run into.
some of the rest of it is my health i've been wrestling with ms for the last few years. there have been time when my legs just dont work right, my feet will sometimes cramp up in the most painful way making walking unthinkable. its not like that all the time. lately it feels like i've actually been improving. i dont use a chair and only sometimes need a stick. from what could happen i should feel very grateful that my case is still so very very mild.
and cannabis really does help. a lot! of course it makes me a bit spacely too.
maybe it came on due to accumulated stress from all the years spent on the domain hunt. maybe its the stress from my being unable to expel the grief from losing my wife (9 years this sept), still unable to stop blaming myself for her death. a good day is one when i actually can let the tears flow free- keeping it bottled up does not make it go away.
i remember more than once thinking i should do the easy thing. but then i'd never know what happens next and i'm still far too curious a soul to not want to buy a ticket for that. i think another 30 years and we'll see ourselve literally becoming one with our creation - one with the net.
lastly theres an element of improv theatre to these forums. maybe i got carried away a time or too and came off much more harsh or a-holish than i ever meant too. so for all who may at one time or nother been offended by my inability to exhibit goodwill, i apologize. if i stick around i will try my best to not be the guy everyone wishes would go away.
after a few years of accumulating tv's i finally realized what a foolish bet i'd made. way too late. too late to even stop because my plan hinged on obtaining a "critical mass" of top shelf names and i felt i was only "half way" there. so i kept going despite my growing reservations knowing that the only way out was thru.
its really hard to know when that halfway mark is past.
so on that level i feel trapped and unless something changes awfully damn soon i will be financially crushed (great news for some who might want to grab my former holdings as they drop - if that happens).
so that maybe goes a little ways toward why i've been the sourest pus youd ever have the displeasure to run into.
some of the rest of it is my health i've been wrestling with ms for the last few years. there have been time when my legs just dont work right, my feet will sometimes cramp up in the most painful way making walking unthinkable. its not like that all the time. lately it feels like i've actually been improving. i dont use a chair and only sometimes need a stick. from what could happen i should feel very grateful that my case is still so very very mild.
and cannabis really does help. a lot! of course it makes me a bit spacely too.
maybe it came on due to accumulated stress from all the years spent on the domain hunt. maybe its the stress from my being unable to expel the grief from losing my wife (9 years this sept), still unable to stop blaming myself for her death. a good day is one when i actually can let the tears flow free- keeping it bottled up does not make it go away.
i remember more than once thinking i should do the easy thing. but then i'd never know what happens next and i'm still far too curious a soul to not want to buy a ticket for that. i think another 30 years and we'll see ourselve literally becoming one with our creation - one with the net.
lastly theres an element of improv theatre to these forums. maybe i got carried away a time or too and came off much more harsh or a-holish than i ever meant too. so for all who may at one time or nother been offended by my inability to exhibit goodwill, i apologize. if i stick around i will try my best to not be the guy everyone wishes would go away.















