Smile ... The Summary of Life

[Michelle]

This was sent to me today .. I thought I would share


Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.


GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is .. . ... ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money....
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.


Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short.
Dance naked. Woo-hoo!

 

[maximum]

So that it explains it all! Darn, I've spent decades looking for some guru or the BIG MYSTERIOUS ANSWERS to life...Like so much else, turns out the actual answer is simplier than we thought:P

Thanks for sharing

 

[liquidcherry]

nice posting mm, thx but you forgot one important thing:

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python), Movie:the life of Brian:

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

link:

YouTube - Life Of Brian - Ending

:sold:

Cheers

Liquid

 

[Sparhawke]

Nice list

 

[ledbeauty]

Quite true! Good article.
In fact, smile is the most important thing in our life.

 

[firefly]

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

Oh wow...I can relate. Probably the hardest thing we have gone through as parents is the teenage years...and we still have the eldest in the middle of them and three more kids to go.

Great list Michelle.:loveyou:

 

[randomo]

Speaking of kids, here's a guide to finding out whether you're ready to raise them. (I didn't write it, but I can attest from experience that it's quite accurate.)

----------------------------------
So You Want To Have Children?
Preparation
Women:

* Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
* Leave it there.
* Every week, add another beanbag.
* After 9 months, remove 2 beanbags.

Men:

* Go to your pharmacy.
* Empty your wallet on the counter.
* Tell the pharmacist to help himself
* Go to the supermarket.
* Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their front office.
* Go home.
* Read the newspaper… for the last time.

Knowledge

* Find a couple with children.
* Berate them about their lack of discipline, lack of patience, low tolerance, and how their children run wild.
* Suggest how they can improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and general behavior.
* Enjoy it while it lasts. It's the last time you'll have all the answers.

Nights

* Turn the radio on to some loud screaming station.
* Walk around the room from 5 to 10 PM carrying a 10 pound bag of wet goo while the station screams.
* At 10 PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
* Get up at 11 and walk the bag around until 1 AM.
* Set the alarm for 3. Since you can’t get to sleep, get up at 2 and make tea.
* Go to bed at 2:30.
* Get up at 3 AM when the alarm goes off.
* Sing songs in the dark until 4.
* Set the alarm for 5. Get up when it goes off.
* Make breakfast.
* Repeat for four years. Look cheerful!

Dressing Small Children

* Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
* Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
* Time allowed: 5 minutes.

Cars

* Sell the BMW.
* Buy a 5-door wagon.
* Put a large chocolate ice cream cone in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
* Put a peanut butter sandwich in the CD player.
* Mash a box of chocolate cookies into the back seat.
* Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Going For a Walk

* Wait.
* Go out the front door.
* Go back inside.
* Go outside.
* Come back in.
* Go outside.
* Walk down the front sidewalk.
* Walk back up it.
* Walk down it again.
* Walk very slowly along the street for 5 minutes.
* Stop at every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead bug along the way. Inspect each minutely. Ask at least 6 questions about each.
* Retrace your steps.
* Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
* Give up and go back into the house.
* Repeat for 5 years.

Patience

* Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Grocery Shopping

* Go to the supermarket. Take along the nearest thing to a pre-school child: a fully grown goat. (If you plan to have more than one child, take more than one goat.)
* Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) get out of your sight.
* Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Feeding a 1 year-old

* Prepare a bowl of cornflakes.
* Hollow out a melon through a small hole in one side.
* Suspend the melon from the ceiling.
* Swing it back and forth.
* Spoon the soggy cornflakes into the swaying melon while making airplane noises.
* When at least half of the cornflakes are gone, pour the rest on your clothes and the floor.

TV

* Learn the names of every character from every episode of the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies, and every Disney movie.
* Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Cleanliness

* Smear peanut butter on your sofa.
* Smear jam on your curtains.
* Hide a fish behind the stereo. Leave it there all summer.
* Stick your fingers in dirt. Rub them on your walls.
* Color your other walls with crayons.

Traveling

* Make a recording of someone shouting “Mommy!” over and over. (There may be no more than 4 seconds between each shout.)
* Include the occasional crescendo to the approximate decibel level of a fighter jet.
* Play this tape in your car continuously the 5 years.

Conversations

1. Start a conversation with another adult.

2. Have someone else continually tug on your pants and shirtsleeves while playing the tape prepared above.
Get Dressed

1. On a day when you have an important meeting, wear your nicest work attire.

3. Put 1 cup of lemon juice into a cup of cream. Stir.

5. Pour half of it on your shirt.

6. Saturate a towel with the other half.

7. Attempt to clean your shirt by rubbing it with the saturated towel.

8. Do not change clothes. You're late already!

9. Go directly to work.



You are now ready to have children.

 

[mwzd]

:lol:

Good ones, thanks for sharing mm.

Really enjoyed your post randomo, know how that feels. :D

 

[Thunderan]

He he.. there are so many various summaries of life as people are different and everyone lives his/her own life and go its own path!

 

[Dirky47]

You make me smile ate this post. You make me missed my childhood days. It was so much fun.

 

[Alex P]

Haha so funny had to send it to my mum, thanks :P

 

[namenut]

Haha so funny had to send it to my mum, thanks :P

Ditto ....

Still laughing out loud....

NN

 

[Dirky47]

I want to share it at my FB page. 2 thumbs up.

 

[virgindevils]

well!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i agree with you that life is short and smiles can make it simple ..
in my veiw tensions are also responsible for bad health of man and it brings more tension in life..
dear frnds ..
take every thing lightly the life will become easy ..and u will be able to spend ur life in better way and happily..
start smiling from today
regards

 

[DaniRox]

This is great surely made me laugh and all so very very true lol

 

[PSS_Lena]

This made my Monday morning Happy with laughter... thanks mm!