Sick of Telemarketers?

[Kenny]

Zandibot had a good little thread going about this, however I cantt find it.

Anyways here are some pretty good retorts to unwanted calls.

http://www.inc.com/kevin-daum/21-funny-and-effective-ways-to-shut-down-telemarketers.html
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1. " Mr. Daum is happy to speak to you. His billing rate is $500 per hour. If you'll give me your credit card number now, I'll book a time slot just for you."

2. "Oh, I thought you were my ride? Can you Uber a car for me?"

3. "I'm busy now, but I'm free around midnight. Can I have your home phone number so I can call you back?"

4. "I am planning to audition for The Voice next week. I've been practicing Sinatra's "My Way." Could you tell me what you think?"

5. "What are you wearing?"

6. "Wanna know what I'm wearing?"

7. "Can you please call back? I am on the other line with my proctologist and he is trying to explain to me why I am a perfect ass."

8. "I am so glad you called. I just finished memorizing the Gettysburg Address. Can I try it out on you?"

9. "Nice to hear from you! I'm fundraising on behalf of ' Kanye for President.' Can I count on you for a donation?

10. "My puppy has been doing the cutest things all morning. If you give me your cell number I'll text you some pictures."

11. "Hey, great timing. Can you settle an argument between my wife and me?"

12. "I've been thinking about breaking into phone sales myself. Can you tell me how you got started?"

13. "It's so nice to hear a young voice. It's been too quiet around here with my kid in juvie. Tell me about your day."

14. "Can you belch the alphabet? I can. Here, check this out..."

15. "I just got an online certification in astrology. Tell me your birthday and I'll give you your horoscope for today."

16. "I'm working on jokes for my next Toastmaster's meeting. Knock knock!..."

17. "I just had a great session with my shrink and I'm dying to share this breakthrough I had."

18. "Sure, I'll listen to your pitch. But you've got to promise to try this cleanse I just finished."

19. "Oh, I'm so glad you called! I just created a great new app for telemarketers and I'd love to sign you up now."

20. "You're the hundredth caller today. You win a special prize. Hold on for just 30 minutes and I'll get it for you."

21. "Oh thank god you called. There is a Nigerian prince who left me $10 million. I need to send a bank account # to collect. If you give me yours, we can split it."
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Peace,
Cy

 

[ecalc]

Tom Mabe's classic reply:

"What would I have to write on the outside of the envelope to ensure that the mail man would deliver it right to your a**?

 

[deez007]

Lol.... I've actually done no.5 on the list before...they hung up on me promptly

 

[enlytend]

Those are great!
I usually either don't answer or quickly hang up on them.
Occasionally I get one asking for my father.... who...
1) passed over a decade ago
2) never shared my phone number (some spam list merged the info when I was handling the estate.)
This annoys me on so many levels that I mess with them. Will have to try some of those ideas on the list. I also like the fake homicide angle, but don't think I could get through that with a straight face.

 

[baseballworld]

I just say Better Business Bureau how may I direct your call. Usually gets a quick hangup.

 

[Domain Lead Finder]

Don't be mean to people who have a terrible job. Rise above the situation and kindly tell them you are not interested. At least they are not stealing or living on welfare or whatever but trying to make money.

In my country we have these guys who drive around with vans and speakers "We are buying old metal, we clean out yards and basements, we buy old batteries" and 10 different crews pass my house every day. At first I was furious because they drive by real slow and it gets really annoying. But I put myself in their shoes, having to listen to the same recording every day, cleaning out peoples basements from trash.

I do not stress out over them any more, nor do I get angry when a telemarketer calls. "Hate is like poison you take and expect somebody else to die from it" (Buddha). Be kind, you will feel better.