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How's my outbound text?

Labeled as discuss in Domain Buying and Selling Discussion started by YairDD, May 28, 2019.

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  1. YairDD

    YairDD Established Member

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    Hi all!

    I'm doing outbound for a while now and I had a lot of success with it, but I want to improve the text I'm sending to companies as I think what I send them is far from good.

    This is what I send to companies:

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hi,

    I own the domain X and I have decided to put it up for sale and I thought you may be interested in acquiring it as this domain can be a great addition to your business.

    If you are, please visit the domain X and make an offer through the landing page and we will go from there.

    Sincerely,
    Yair

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------


    I know there is a lot of room for improvement, hence I created this thread.

    Any advice?

    Thank you!
     
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  2. werty

    werty Established Member ★★★★★★★★★★

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    Last edited: May 28, 2019
  3. YairDD

    YairDD Established Member

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    What do you mean? that's not like I'm sending them 3 emails a week. it's only 1 email. what will they opt out from?
     
  4. Sumit Gupta

    Sumit Gupta Established Member

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    I really liked the format. :) Short. Simple. Call to action.
    Gonna use it.

    Thanks :)
     
  5. werty

    werty Established Member ★★★★★★★★★★

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    When you do outbound marketing constantly, you will come across some repeated end users from time to time. That's why. Say this month you do outbound for a financial related domain. 3 months later you do outbound for a domain targeted towards a similar or closely related subject/industry, and email the same end user again (offering a different domain). That 1 email is now 2...
     
  6. E-Thunder

    E-Thunder Top Member VIP ★★★★★★★★★★

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    Not a bad email at all. I use something very similar myself.
     
  7. DomainGuy86

    DomainGuy86 Established Member

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    Yup
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2019
  8. Ram corbin

    Ram corbin Established Member

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    Nice one...does anyone add a reason or explain how a domain could be beneficial, like an upgrade from a cctld to a com or how a name would suit the business better than they already own, just to get the buyer thinking. Or is it best to keep it simple and wait for a reply.
     
  9. UmerK

    UmerK Established Member

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    Good, short and to the point.

    I'd only add this "If you do not want to be disturbed again, please let us know"

    Something on that line for them not to be disturbed again.
     
  10. YairDD

    YairDD Established Member

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    I'll adopt that line and will add that at the end.

    thank you!
     
  11. geekjojo

    geekjojo Established Member

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    Do you do outbound for GEO domains or general domains?
     
  12. dennisok

    dennisok Established Member

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    I use similar format though add a buy now link of which the domain is listed.
     
  13. Sumit Gupta

    Sumit Gupta Established Member

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    So do you see adding this help buyer and less negotiates? And taking follow up?
     
  14. SamEdozieJM

    SamEdozieJM New Member

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  15. philip

    philip New Member

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    haven't done a lot of outbound. the hi sounds more social, so i use greetings. and at the end best regards or just regards . al the same it a short and straight forward format .
     
  16. Igor Mironyuk

    Igor Mironyuk Established Member

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  17. hookbox

    hookbox Top Member VIP

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    I never start a sales email with Hi because I feel it sounds a bit unprofessional. Personally I use Hello.
     
  18. Igor Mironyuk

    Igor Mironyuk Established Member

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    Between "Hi" and "Hello" is big difference in English?
     
  19. humbug1s1k

    humbug1s1k Upgraded Member Blue Account

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    Yes, 'Hi' is more colloquial, ie less formal, 'Hello' would be a little more professional, or to a business I sometimes put 'To Whom it May Concern'.....
     
  20. hookbox

    hookbox Top Member VIP

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    I never really liked To Whom It May Concern because it makes the recipient think it was just sent to a random person and he just so happened to be the person that received it.
     
  21. humbug1s1k

    humbug1s1k Upgraded Member Blue Account

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    Though its difficult, if I get a work email that just says Hi or Hello I know immediately its a sales email and that person has no idea who I am, a lot of the time I will delete those without reading them, but I take your point.
     
  22. Jv1999

    Jv1999 Spamming Exo: Dark Merc of the Exo-Tower VIP

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    That's why it's important to habe the domain immediately in the sentence after hi or hello. Because thanks to modern email tech, th eres a preview that forces the user to see the first sentence right in their inbox.

    Burying the lead only makes it more probable that who you're emailing will delete without seeing at least the domain name.
     
  23. techname

    techname Established Member

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    I think your email is good. If possible though, I would try to address it to a key person/persons at the company, then you can say "Hi/Dear Mr/Ms..." or "Hi/Dear John" or whatever.
    Perhaps you are already doing this, but I commented because the email you showed us just says "Hi".
    Best of luck with your sales.
     
  24. eternaldomains

    eternaldomains Established Member

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    Isn't putting the domain name in the Subject area good enough? Or is that area better for something else?
     
  25. werty

    werty Established Member ★★★★★★★★★★

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    Usually triggers spam filters imo.
     

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