- Impact
- 42
> There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible
> to her brother in another part of the country.
> "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
> "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the
> world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
> morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
> "Good Lord, it's morning."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
> because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
> Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
> "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
> appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
>
> When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along
> with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years.
> If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job.
> Lead us not into temptation."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced
> to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.
> The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building
> program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
> The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because
> attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
> "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
> Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and
> girls, what do we know about God?
> A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten
> boy. "Really? How do you! know?" the teacher asked.
> "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just
> before a long holiday weekend.
> The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in
> front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him
> toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the
> delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready
> for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's
> the same in my business."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the
> center of attention.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I
> know what the Bible means!"
> His father smiled and replied,
> "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
> The son replied, "I do know!"
> "Okay, said his father.
> "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
> "That's easy, Daddy.
> It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
> lesson was about.
> The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
> Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
> Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked
> him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
> He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, ask
> the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting >for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that
> the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at
> the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a
> copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of
> something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
>
> During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
> Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
> much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more.
> Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
> At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled
> Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
ST
> to her brother in another part of the country.
> "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
> "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the
> world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
> morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
> "Good Lord, it's morning."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
> because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
> Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
> "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
> appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
>
> When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along
> with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years.
> If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job.
> Lead us not into temptation."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced
> to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news.
> The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building
> program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
> The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because
> attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
> "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
> Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and
> girls, what do we know about God?
> A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten
> boy. "Really? How do you! know?" the teacher asked.
> "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just
> before a long holiday weekend.
> The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in
> front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him
> toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the
> delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready
> for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's
> the same in my business."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the
> center of attention.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I
> know what the Bible means!"
> His father smiled and replied,
> "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
> The son replied, "I do know!"
> "Okay, said his father.
> "So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
> "That's easy, Daddy.
> It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
> lesson was about.
> The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
> Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
> Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked
> him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
> He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, ask
> the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting >for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that
> the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at
> the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a
> copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of
> something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
>
> During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
> Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as
> much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more.
> Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
> At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled
> Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
ST
