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Lol...things to ponder...or not.
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell is he homeless or naked?
• Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?
• Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
• Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
• Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• How does Elmo hear? Elmo has no ears?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
• Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he'll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
• Is the grass really greener on the other side?
• Why is an orange an orange but an apple not a red?
• If you set to work with a knife that will cut through anything and Tupperware that's guaranteed not to break, what happens?
• How do I set my laser printer on stun gun?
• Why don't we get dizzy from the world spinning so fast?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• If blind people wear sunglasses why don't deaf people wear ear muffs?
• Does a fish get cramps after eating?
• Do infants have as much fun in the infancy as adults do in their adultery?
• What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
• Why do doughnuts have holes?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• If you throw your pet cat out the window of your car does it become cat litter?
• Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations if smoking is prohibited there?
• Why is it called a building when it's already built?
• Why isn't phonic spelled the way it sounds?
• Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
• Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
• If trailer parks didn't exist would tornadoes exist?
• If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• Why do you have a hot water heater when you don't need to heat hot water?
• Just before someone gets nervous do they experience cocoons in their stomachs?
• Why do phone companies give you a number to call if your phone doesn't work?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• How come you press harder on a remote when you know the battery is dead?
• Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?
• Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together?
• If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding what is it expanding into?
• Why don't we get goosebumps on our face?
• Why can't we make newspapers that don't smudge?
• Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?
• If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• Will wearing short sleeve shirts show your support for the right to bare arms?
• If a person kills their clone is it murder or suicide?
• Why are they called stands when they are made for sitting?
• If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an s in it?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat?
• How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
• When an elevator is overloaded with passengers, who is criminally responsible?
• If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• When sign makers go on strike is there anything written on their signs?
• How come superman can stop bullets with his chest but he always ducks when someone throw a gun at him?
• Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
• Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• IF you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read all right?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?
• Why is it that when you see someone in a cast or a brace you say ouch?
• If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?
• Was the only reason God gave us a shin is to find things in the dark?
• Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic?
• Where are the germs that cause good breath?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest have to drown too?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
• If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
• Before they invented drawing boards what did they go back to?
• Why do scientists call it research when they are looking for something new?
• If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?
• Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
• Why don't more psychics win the lottery?
• If I break the laws of Physics do I go to jail?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?
• Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• Why is it when to planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss? Shouldn't it be called a near hit?
• If you can't drink and drive why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
• If you don't repair your brakes right away should you make your horn louder?
• How many turtles does it take to make one can of turtle wax?
• What do little birdies see if they get knocked unconscious?
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Why is yawning contagious?
• Why do we sing Take Me Out To the Ball Game if we are already there?
• Why is toilet paper scented?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
• If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out?
• Where does the lost sock in the washer and dryer go?
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
• If the speed of light is 186,000 miles per second, what is the speed of dark?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
• What does the Q in Q-tip stand for?
• Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would the still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
• What happens when none of your bees wax?
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?
• When companies ship Styrofoam what do they pack it in?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• Why do we label underwear as a pair?
• What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
• Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
• Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?
• Does the little mermaid wear an algaebra?
• Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
• Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?
• Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• Sooner or later doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
• Why is a keyboard called a keyboard if it just has little buttons?
• If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
• Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
• Will you die if you get scared half to death twice?
• If a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• Why do men's bicycles have crossbars?
• Why is the word abbreviated so long?
• Do married people live longer than single people do or does it just seem longer?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• If you are in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens if you turn on your headlights?
• Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
• If you keep trying to prove Murphy's law, will something go wrong?
• Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
• Are people born stupid or do they have to work at it?
• How did a fool and his money get together?
• If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• If you try to fail and succeed which have you done?
• How can someone draw a blank?
• If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?
• How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
• If someone with multiple personalities robs a bank who is charged with the crime?
• Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from?
• How can there be self-help groups?
• If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
• Why do we pay tolls on the freeway?
• Why do banks charge you a " non sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
• Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
• Why is a black light not black?
• Why is it when a door is open it's ajar but when a jar is open isn't not adoor?
• If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
• Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
• If you’re born again do you have two belly buttons?
• Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?
• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
• Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it?
And my personal Favourite:
• If you choke a Smurf what color would it turn?
Lol...things to ponder...or not.
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell is he homeless or naked?
• Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn't they already know it?
• Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
• Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
• Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• How does Elmo hear? Elmo has no ears?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
• Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he'll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
• Is the grass really greener on the other side?
• Why is an orange an orange but an apple not a red?
• If you set to work with a knife that will cut through anything and Tupperware that's guaranteed not to break, what happens?
• How do I set my laser printer on stun gun?
• Why don't we get dizzy from the world spinning so fast?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• If blind people wear sunglasses why don't deaf people wear ear muffs?
• Does a fish get cramps after eating?
• Do infants have as much fun in the infancy as adults do in their adultery?
• What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
• Why do doughnuts have holes?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• If you throw your pet cat out the window of your car does it become cat litter?
• Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations if smoking is prohibited there?
• Why is it called a building when it's already built?
• Why isn't phonic spelled the way it sounds?
• Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
• Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
• If trailer parks didn't exist would tornadoes exist?
• If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• Why do you have a hot water heater when you don't need to heat hot water?
• Just before someone gets nervous do they experience cocoons in their stomachs?
• Why do phone companies give you a number to call if your phone doesn't work?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• How come you press harder on a remote when you know the battery is dead?
• Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?
• Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together?
• If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding what is it expanding into?
• Why don't we get goosebumps on our face?
• Why can't we make newspapers that don't smudge?
• Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?
• If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• Will wearing short sleeve shirts show your support for the right to bare arms?
• If a person kills their clone is it murder or suicide?
• Why are they called stands when they are made for sitting?
• If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an s in it?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanitarians eat?
• How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
• When an elevator is overloaded with passengers, who is criminally responsible?
• If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• When sign makers go on strike is there anything written on their signs?
• How come superman can stop bullets with his chest but he always ducks when someone throw a gun at him?
• Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
• Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• IF you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read all right?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?
• Why is it that when you see someone in a cast or a brace you say ouch?
• If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?
• Was the only reason God gave us a shin is to find things in the dark?
• Why are there 5 syllables in the word monosyllabic?
• Where are the germs that cause good breath?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest have to drown too?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
• If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
• Before they invented drawing boards what did they go back to?
• Why do scientists call it research when they are looking for something new?
• If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?
• Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
• Why don't more psychics win the lottery?
• If I break the laws of Physics do I go to jail?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?
• Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• Why is it when to planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss? Shouldn't it be called a near hit?
• If you can't drink and drive why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
• If you don't repair your brakes right away should you make your horn louder?
• How many turtles does it take to make one can of turtle wax?
• What do little birdies see if they get knocked unconscious?
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Why is yawning contagious?
• Why do we sing Take Me Out To the Ball Game if we are already there?
• Why is toilet paper scented?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
• If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out?
• Where does the lost sock in the washer and dryer go?
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
• If the speed of light is 186,000 miles per second, what is the speed of dark?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
• What does the Q in Q-tip stand for?
• Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would the still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
• What happens when none of your bees wax?
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?
• When companies ship Styrofoam what do they pack it in?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• Why do we label underwear as a pair?
• What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
• Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
• Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?
• Does the little mermaid wear an algaebra?
• Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
• Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?
• Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• Sooner or later doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
• Why is a keyboard called a keyboard if it just has little buttons?
• If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
• Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
• Will you die if you get scared half to death twice?
• If a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• Why do men's bicycles have crossbars?
• Why is the word abbreviated so long?
• Do married people live longer than single people do or does it just seem longer?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• If you are in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens if you turn on your headlights?
• Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
• If you keep trying to prove Murphy's law, will something go wrong?
• Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
• Are people born stupid or do they have to work at it?
• How did a fool and his money get together?
• If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• If you try to fail and succeed which have you done?
• How can someone draw a blank?
• If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?
• How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
• If someone with multiple personalities robs a bank who is charged with the crime?
• Corn oil is made from corn, Olive oil is made from olives, so what does baby oil come from?
• How can there be self-help groups?
• If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
• Why do we pay tolls on the freeway?
• Why do banks charge you a " non sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
• Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
• Why is a black light not black?
• Why is it when a door is open it's ajar but when a jar is open isn't not adoor?
• If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
• Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
• If you’re born again do you have two belly buttons?
• Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?
• Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
• Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it?
And my personal Favourite:
• If you choke a Smurf what color would it turn?
