Needed someone to talk to... so I came here.

[Humdizzy]

I know this thread is long, but if you want to get straight to the point, just go to paragraph 3.

Weellll, I'll start off by saying I'm a hypochondriac. I am celibate (for life) for the reason that I am terrified of catching something. I wont even kiss people. For 4 years I thought I had lung cancer for no reason and those worries were put to rest by me living for 4 years (:lol and me going to the doctor about 8 times, including to a neurologist without any diagnosis.

Well now something else has been beating me up mentally and it all started November 6th which was a monday 1st period in gym (this is how paranoid I am that I actually wrote down the dates and times). This kid who (I think may have mental issues) goes around doing something for the sole purpose to piss people off. The things he does are pretty bad and he does these things for no reason. For one, he took scissors and started cutting up someone's backpack.

What he did to me has left me with frequent paranoia and anxiety for the last 71 days. He walks up to me and for no reason, rubs his bloody cut on my cheek. I immediately freak out and run to the bathroom. I scrub and scrub my face for about 45 minutes. Then I get home and this cycle of scrubbing continues for the rest of November.

It is now 71 days later and I am still paranoid and bombarded by commercials about HIV and AIDS and questioning whether I caught something from him doing this. Today I receive a letter about student term life insurance and I'm only 16, which of course asks health questions including the question have I been diagnosed with AIDS or HIV in the last 5 years. I was just beginning to sort of ease up on my paranoia and then this comes in the mail and I'm back to the way I started.

I've talked to many people in my life, mostly friends and even my bio teacher asking if I would be okay and they all reassured me that I would be okay because my skin was intact and that skin is a good barrier against that disease. These reassurances still haven't calmed my fears. The last thing I want to do is bring it up to my parents because the first thing they would do is go after the kid who did it and it would be this whole big mess that would basically make me look bad by telling my parents about something that's not a big deal to anyone else. Plus, I don't want to get the kid in trouble, because that would just get him expelled and I already forgive him for the act. I'm just paranoid about my health right now and I want anyone to get in trouble.

I know there is a 90 day mark till the point that your body builds up a defense system against the disease and the antibodies can be detected, so a test wouldn't do me any good now. And even when I reach the 90 day mark I don't know how I would be able to get tested (I wont dare go to a clinic with all the stories I hear about mixing up results). I would feel good with a rapid test that uses saliva or urine, but I don't know where I could purchase one in store (I already looked through a couple drug stores). My doctor would be my best bet, but I don't know how I would get to see her when there is nothing wrong with me. I could wait for my next check up, but I just need some ease of mind right now, because this thing is really taking a toll on my mind and messing me up in school. Someone just say something. I don't know. I just need someone I can talk to or something.

 

[labrocca]

Weellll, I'll start off by saying I'm a hypochondriac. I am celibate (for life) for the reason that I am terrified of catching something. I wont even kiss people. For 4 years I thought I had lung cancer for no reason and those worries were put to rest by me living for 4 years () and me going to the doctor about 8 times, including to a neurologist without any diagnosis.

Did the neurologist suggest therapy? Honestly..what made you think you had lung cancer? You went to the doctor 8 times? No one else finds this a real problem? Celibate for life? Because of fear of germs? Oh cmon!

 

[briman1970]

Did the neurologist suggest therapy? Honestly..what made you think you had lung cancer? You went to the doctor 8 times? No one else finds this a real problem? Celibate for life? Because of fear of germs? Oh cmon!

Exactly... Why would anyone say that everything's gonna be OK or that Keenen doesn't have a problem?!? Maybe you didn't read his op thoroughly.

- Avoids bodily contact because they are terrified of catching something.
- Visits several doctors, including a neurologist because they are obsessed with the thought that they have lung cancer.
- Has frequent paranoia and anxiety for months due to someone contacting their unbroken skin with a trivial amount of blood.
- Refuses to tell their loved ones, but is compelled to publicly confess their compulsions and paranoias to a large and unrelated forum.

This is called OCD or "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder". It will NOT go away by itself in the short term. OCD runs in my family (or seems to). My sister takes medication for her severe symptoms and I have learned to supress my somewhat mild symptoms. When I was a kid I was obsessed with washing my hands and was very microphobic. I grew out of that quickly with much therapy from family members and ridicule from my peers. I had some other symptoms growing up and it took me over two decades to "grow out of them". People who have severe symptoms usually don't improve without support groups or medication. BTW, this site has some good info on symptoms and support groups: http://www.ocfoundation.org/what-is-ocd.html

Keenen, I really don't mean to offend. I am only trying to help you see that there is a problem and you need to seek help if you want to get better.

 

[Humdizzy]

Exactly... Why would anyone say that everything's gonna be OK or that Keenen doesn't have a problem?!? Maybe you didn't read his op thoroughly.

- Avoids bodily contact because they are terrified of catching something. (Just no sexual or romantic [kissing or anything on the line of "bases"] contact is all. I give lots hand shakes and hugs everyday with no problem)

- Visits several doctors, including a neurologist because they are obsessed with the thought that they have lung cancer.
(The visits were not for my fear. They were for other things that my doctor said I should be checked out for at that age. I figured that since none of these doctors picked up anything I would be okay. Also once again the fact that I lived so long with any actual symptoms. The thing that made me think I had lung cancer was something I rather not say, but I'll say that it had something to do with lance armstrong?)

- Has frequent paranoia and anxiety for months due to someone contacting their unbroken skin with a trivial amount of blood.
(eh you have a point there)

- Refuses to tell their loved ones, but is compelled to publicly confess their compulsions and paranoias to a large and unrelated forum.
(you have another point, but I have told all of my best friends)


Keenen, I really don't mean to offend. I am only trying to help you see that there is a problem and you need to seek help if you want to get better.

No offense taken. The ones who say I have a mental illness comfort me by making me realize that all the times I've been terrified including yesterday were all caused by this illness. Now I wouldn't classify it as an illness, but maybe just part of me and who I am as a person. I mean lots of people live with being health obsessed and I'm just one of them.

Thank you all for your input. Each reply made me feel a lot better. You never realize what kind of person you are until other people tell you. I got a lot of reassurance from this thread. Also information that maybe I need to talk to a professional once in a while just to calm my nerves.

 

[user-7256]

Why do people try to label OCD as an illness? People with OCD do not need medication or therapy unless it seriously hinders their ability to do basic things like work, communicate, pay bills, eat, etc.

I for one am tempted to take offense at times when people demand or suggest treatment/therapy/medication for "OCD". Well guess what: everybody has it, just at different degrees.

Humdizzy: Don't listen to those that tell you that you need medication or therapy. They just buy into what the media and advertising agencies tell them. You may be worried about catching something, and that's okay. I am too. But there's no need to take their advice and act like you're sick. You're not. You're actually normal, just at a different degree.

 

[briman1970]

Humdizzy: Don't listen to those that tell you that you need medication or therapy. They just buy into what the media and advertising agencies tell them.

I won't assume your post was directed at me completely, but I can tell you I have firsthand experience with virtually all of the obsessive behaviors mentioned by Keenen, and then some. Regardless of whether you call it OCD or "normal at a different degree", it is not pleasant to have your mind force you into repeating unusual behaviors just so you can feel a little peace until the next obsessive thought hits.

It's true that everyone has some level of obsessiveness. People who don't have severe OCD rarely understand how distressing it can be.

 

[dgridley]

Just noticed this thread and been there, done that.. when I was a kid, I saw a movie about a dog with rabies and for weeks literally washed my hand s o many times they bled. Had similar incidents and phobias and survived them all.

Today, because everytime I was exposed to something and I realized I'd survived, I can eat dirt off the floor without wincing My advice, like the others, is to seek out professional counseling. In fact, your school counselor or nurse can probably get you started in the right direction.

Most of all, don't self-diagnose. It's ok to be aware, but don't dwell on things.

One thing that always helped me: find a chat room that deals with these issues and go in and don't talk about yourself, but listen to and look for ways you can help others. Distraction is a big factor in learning to ignore your phobias. The longer you can distract yourself and survive, you'll realize the odds are actually in your favor.

Hope this helps.. anyone who knows me knows I have battled with depression, panic attacks, and real ill health for awhile now, so I'm not just talking off the top of my head. Need someone to chat with or talk to, PM me.

Enjoy life.. you may not get another chance

 

[user-7256]

No, I didn't direct my post toward any particular person. I try to avoid personal flames

Granted, it would be nice if compulsions didn't satisfy temporarily, but it's not worth it to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to fix it... I mean, there's nothing wrong with being a little extra clean, is there?

 

[dgridley]

Maybe you didn't read my post above yours.. these sorts of compulsions cause you to act irrationally to the exclusion of doing anything else.. you can read above that I used to wash my hands til they actually bled. Sometimes you get to the point you wish you actually DID have some sort of dread disease just to prove to yourself that you're not crazy. Alot of people improve with time and their compulsions lessen.. it takes time and understanding.

No, I didn't direct my post toward any particular person. I try to avoid personal flames

Granted, it would be nice if compulsions didn't satisfy temporarily, but it's not worth it to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to fix it... I mean, there's nothing wrong with being a little extra clean, is there?

 

[user-7256]

Maybe you didn't read my post above yours.. these sorts of compulsions cause you to act irrationally to the exclusion of doing anything else.. you can read above that I used to wash my hands til they actually bled. Sometimes you get to the point you wish you actually DID have some sort of dread disease just to prove to yourself that you're not crazy. Alot of people improve with time and their compulsions lessen.. it takes time and understanding.

You're not sick, though, and you don't need medication; just a little more willpower.

 

[Kenny]

Excuse me... your attention please.... This is not directed toward any one member or post, and anyone that thinks it is has their own issues to deal with.
Now, that being said....

Will all those with an actual degree in psychology please step forward.
*waits
Come on, dont be shy. Show your degree.
*still waiting
Hmmm, it seems as though we dont have have any doctors responding here. Of all the advice given so far, both good and completly out of line, the one common theme that does make sense is, Keenen, you need to discuss this with a professional. Period.
Now if you have passed your crisis and would like this thread closed, please PM me or another Staff member.
Or we can leave it open if this is helping you in any way, shape or form.
It's up to you brother, this is in fact your life we are discussing here.

And every single member that has posted in this thread, I want to thank you for taking the time to try to help our friend, and that every opinion offered was given out of love and concern, and that is beautiful.
Keenen, we are your friends and care about what is best for you, but none of us are qualified to give you anything more than moral support.

Peace,
Cyberian

 

[dgridley]

Hehe.. guess you don't know me very well... I see a therapist every week and am in the process of re-starting my meds after being off them for two years.. people with true clinical depression (or OCD or any other myriad of disorders) don't need more willpower, they often require meds to get their bodies in sync and therapy to learn ways to cope.

You're not sick, though, and you don't need medication; just a little more willpower.

 

[Kenny]

Thread closed at OP's request.

Again, I want to thank all the members for showing your concern and offering your personal experiences in helping Humdizzy at this critical time.

Rep for everyone.

Peace,
Cyberian