Today's Joke

[dgridley]

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any
skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered
to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that
the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before. All her
friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty.

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at his sacrifice, she said. "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need
every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

 

[matrics]

now that's what I call sweet revenge :p

 

[Jeff]

Odd.ly funny, IMHO. :bah:

 

[CoolGuy]

That husband is wicked :D

Good joke

Dexnell

 

[kw31]

That's a nice one

 

[Lord]

lol, haha i rmember the first time i herad that one, i laughed a loooooooooong time :P

 

[dgridley]

Anyone else have jokes to post? Make them suitable for all age groups please..

 

[se]

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years, from 1337 to 1453.

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador.

3) From which animal do we get catgut?
From sheep and horses.

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours.

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur.

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what
animal?
The Latin name was Insularia Canaria - Island of the Dogs.

7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936, he respected the
wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be
called Albert.

8) What color is a purple finch?
Distinctively crimson.

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand.

10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?
Thirty years, of course!!! From 1618 to 1648

 

[superprogrammer]

That joke was really funny!

 

[dgridley]

Three Jokes

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "It was a tough call", nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

The young guy came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young guy answered, "Nope. I couldn't tell, but I did get his license plate number."

A State Trooper pulled over a fellow in a pickup. He asked, "Got any I.D.?" The driver replied, "Bout Whut?"

 

[redhippo]

hehehehe!

 

[Chris]

:lol:

Great jokes David. :tu:

 

[dgridley]

Twenty Dollars

20 dollars

Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says "Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me".

His friend says "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill".

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.

"You reek of alcohol and you've thrown up all over yourself, my God you're disgusting" etc.

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, "Wait. It's not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He'd obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn't hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket."

She looks in his breast pocket and says, "But this is forty dollars".

"Ah, yes." says the man. "He pee'd in my trousers too".


10 signs your an Internet geek

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.

6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as "my [email protected]" and refer to your children as "client applications".

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"

 

[kw31]

20 dollars 6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

LOL
so much for fingering people! :notme:

 

[sunken]

Here's one (and no offense meant):

There is a flood and the guy is on top of his house waiting to be rescued. A rowboat comes along and urges him to get in, but he says "No, God will save me."

After awhile, the water got higher and a second rowboat comes along and tells him to get in and the man still insists "God will save me."

Finally the water is up to the guy's chin and a helicopter flies over with a ladder and the pilot urges him to grab it. Still the guy insists that God will save him.

Well of course he drowns, and he gets up to the pearly gates and he asks St. Peter, "Why didn't God save me?"

St. Peter replies, "We sent two rowboats and a helicopter, what else did you want?"

 

[Joe123]

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so colon-right parentheses!"

That joke made me the most :hehe:

 

[dgridley]

Cute.. I feel it also expresses a very true sentiment.. the help is there if you look for it.

Here's one (and no offense meant):

There is a flood and the guy is on top of his house waiting to be rescued. A rowboat comes along and urges him to get in, but he says "No, God will save me."

After awhile, the water got higher and a second rowboat comes along and tells him to get in and the man still insists "God will save me."

Finally the water is up to the guy's chin and a helicopter flies over with a ladder and the pilot urges him to grab it. Still the guy insists that God will save him.

Well of course he drowns, and he gets up to the pearly gates and he asks St. Peter, "Why didn't God save me?"

St. Peter replies, "We sent two rowboats and a helicopter, what else did you want?"