Things a developer doesn't want to hear

[Echelon17]

Hi guys/gals,

I just thought I'd list some of the typical things a developer doesn't want to hear, so that anyone with a business model or seeking development work knows what NOT to say, and how they can better structure their business ideas.

1. "This project needs to be done ASAP/Yesterday/By the end of the day/By the end of next week/insert some other short time-frame here.

No developer likes to hear this, because it means that the client is disorganised and has perhaps had weeks to plan and seek development, but is rushing at the last minute. They somehow think that the developer can get it done quicker than normal so they can meet their amazingly impossible deadline. We can't do this! No amount of money you can throw at us will change the fact that sometimes, projects will take a few days, weeks or perhaps even months to finish. If you're in a rush then YOU failed to plan for this, we can't help you.

2. I'm not sure on budget/I don't know about budget - what would you charge?/I have a low budget

Put simply, the client cannot afford this project. Anyone who has NO idea on budget basically does not have the funds. If they DID have the money, then they would've allocated a certain amount of funds to this project and would stick within those boundaries. If the client has a budget but won't tell you, then that indicates that they have no trust for you or developers in general, and think that once they give you their budget you're going to immediately put more on top and try to make a large profit. We don't do this at all.
No trust = no relationship = no development.

If the client has an extremely low budget, then it also indicates that they're not serious about their project at all and just want "bare minimums". In this instance it's likely that the client is spending their OWN money, instead of business money, and as a result will be highly demanding and want things done quickly and badly, because it's less damage to their own wallet.

3. You're the first person I've contacted about this, how much will it cost?

Client has contacted lots of people via various other methods, and is merely shopping for the lowest quote.

4. Will you take escrow?

I'm from Albania/other typically known scammer origin and I want to rip you off and not pay you.

More coming soon....Feel free to add your own in the meantime.

Some more

If you can do me a good deal on this project, I have lots more work for you.

How many times have we heard this? It never happens. You never have more work for us, and we lose out because we charged you less.

I lik ur site, how much will u charge me 4 a site?

Text speak/heavy abbreviations is a sign of age and/or laziness. Generally speaking, anyone who types like that and expects to have some kind of good business relationship with me is wrong. Anyone who puts minimal effort into their typing is going to put minimal effort into their projects with me, so it's a waste of my time.

Can you do me a free mock design?

Roughly translated: I want to steal your mock up and not pay you a penny.
If you value our services as developers/designers then you'll appreciate that time = money. Mock ups = time = money.

I know a little bit of PHP/insert other language here, and it's a small job! Why such the high quote?

If it's such a small job, do it yourself! Oh, not so small now is it?
You pay for our skills.

 

[Keral_Patel]

There was one developer before you but he was not good at all. So I kicked him.

Translation: So you also better be good, if you want to stay with me and do my future imaginary projects, or you will also get kicked.

 

[snareklutz]

If you can do me a good deal on this project, I have lots more work for you.

When I am hired, most of the time I do end up getting more work + bonuses. When I say that, I do give more work.

 

[shopperx]

Ive heard #1 #2 #5 #6 and #8 so many times... You have to balance your work to finish on time and keep the client happy with the final result.

I always charge half of the $ upfront, there are no exceptions.

If you do a good job people will call you. Its hard to find a skilled, honest and hard working developer these days...

shopperx

 

[H-O-V]

:p They are all things people say and the really p*** developers off.

 

[deu12000]

From a non-programmer/designer standpoint:

I always charge half of the $ upfront, there are no exceptions.

I have never paid anything upfront unless it was at a freelancer site and it went into an escrow account or I already worked with that person before. There are to many scammers around to go paying them upfront without some kind of escrow service in the middle. Even trusted people seem to work slower when you pay up front (a lot of times, not every time).

I'm not sure on budget/I don't know about budget - what would you charge?/I have a low budget

Something I use all of the time. It's called a bargaining tactic. Let them give you the price first and then you agree or try to agree on a lower price.

Put simply, the client cannot afford this project. Anyone who has NO idea on budget basically does not have the funds. If they DID have the money, then they would've allocated a certain amount of funds to this project and would stick within those boundaries. If the client has a budget but won't tell you, then that indicates that they have no trust for you or developers in general, and think that once they give you their budget you're going to immediately put more on top and try to make a large profit. We don't do this at all.
No trust = no relationship = no development.

If I had a $500 budget, I'm not going to say I have $500 for this. I'll wait for your price and then counter offer. Why would I throw all my cards on the table when the game isn't even over yet? What if you were going to tell me it cost $200? A lot of developers see a number and want to work with that number. I would be a fool to pay $500 if I could get the same job done for $200. Also being a "non-developer" I might think something is more complicated than it really is and offer to pay more work than the job is really worth.

No trust = no relationship = no development...that's a load of BS. You can't trust someone you don't know (unless you're extremely gullible or they were recommended by several reliable sources). You can't have a relationship with someone until you start working with them. So my formula is development + cash = relationship x 3 = trust.

Will you take escrow?

If I'm asking if a developer will take escrow it's because I don't trust or know them. If they say no, I'll move onto the next developer. Why wouldn't a legitimate developer take escrow? Especially if it's most likely I'll pay the escrow fees? I'm not talking about some cheesy newly made escrow site either, it has to be a reliable, well-known escrow site.

If you can do me a good deal on this project, I have lots more work for you.

If you give someone a good deal and they have more similar projects and you do a good job, I'm willing to bet 8 out of 10 times they'll go right back to you.

Can you do me a free mock design?

I guess that's the wrong choice of words. My choice of words are more towards once I see that I like the design I'll pay. It wouldn't be a question, but an answer. You can watermark your designs as much as you want, I'm not interested in stealing designs. I do notice a lot of designers don't watermark there designs and can easily be ripped off, but that's not my way of doing business.

I suggest designers watermark all their designs (or something that will prevent theft) unless they have a good working relationship with the buyer and I suggest all buyers review the designs before paying. It works both ways.



This is my point of view from a non-programmer/designer view. Of course "developers" have their way of looking at it, but I'm looking at it the same exact way, but from the other side of the fence which is basically why all of my answers are the exact opposite of your's.

 

[shopperx]

Thats great that you protect your investment, on the other hand there are many stories of clients who never pay after the project is done.

I always charge half of the $ upfront, friends or relatives are no exception.

Thank god my business is doing good, btw im trying a new kind of domain portfolio auction which includes website developments for a whole year + 2 years of free webhosting for all your sites. The link is on my signature.

Ive received good comments on this new auction idea, i hope you guys find it interesting.

Take care,

shopperx