advice Requesting feedback on outbound email

[Thrismo Labs]

Hey guys, here is an email that I sent out a few hours back. The receiver is a quite well known figure in the financial / real estate world who puts out massive amounts of content regarding generating wealth / motivation / life in general. I had a few conversations with him in the past via email and wanted to ping him first about a wealth related domain that he could use. Would love your feedback on this email.

The receiver has opened the email once within 3 hours of them receiving it.

Hey X!

I hope you and the family are doing great!

I am a part time domainer. I acquire domain names, like real estate and then sell them to businesses who can use them to further their business objectives.

I have wealthxxxxxxx.com in my portfolio and I think this would be a great addition to your collection of service-oriented websites. This domain name is Clean, Simple, Easy to Understand and Remember, Doesn't Need a Tagline and Defines an Entire Industry based on helping people make money.

You are an established name already in helping people generate wealth from whatever they do. How about creating a segment / service using this domain name? You could use conversations from this segment for more content for your Podcasts and YouTube and also do paid consultations.

I'm also open to brainstorm more execution ideas for this domain name. Heck, if you want me to build a website quickly for you, I'll do that as well.

I wanted to reach out to you before I put this up on the market for others to consider.

Let me know if you would like to use this.

Cheers!

Appreciate any feedback on this.

 

[Sumeeth]

I think this part not needed

"
I am a part time domainer. I acquire domain names, like real estate and then sell them to businesses who can use them to further their business objectives. "

And better email content to be simple and short!

 

[gilescoley]

Its far too long, you don't have to convince a buyer why he needs the name and what he can use it for. Email the decision maker (business development manager, CEO etc) and they will know the value straight away

Shorter is better when emailing end-users