Questions & Answers from an Australian tourism website.

[holyroller]

For those who haven't seen this before, these are suppose to be actual questions asked on the Australian Tourism Website. I guess the saying, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer comes to mind.


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night at Jens in Kings Cross. Come naked.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal .

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere where significant numbers of Americans gather.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..now too!

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

 

[GILSAN]

Brilliant stuff :D Would that be the Aussie sense of humour?

 

[liquidcherry]

LOL, awesome...and GIL that is humor like it supposed to be, nothing country specific

Cheers

Frank

 

[dezinerite]

Some parts were a bit too harsh for humour. :D

 

[GF]

I have a question -

In Australia, do you ride kangaroos instead of motorcycles?

- GF

 

[dezinerite]

I have a question too:

If I want to see the wonderful wizard of Oz, is there a shuttle bus taking passengers to the Yellow Brick Road?

 

[maxeaus]

Brilliant stuff :D Woud that be the Aussie sense of humour?

No, this is how we normally answer intelligent questions! :lol:

 

[Mike]

I'd really like to see James answer some of these. :hehe:

M.

 

[GF]

I'd really like to see James answer some of these. :hehe:

M.

:lol:

I was thinking the same thing!!!

I hope that Aussie gets on here soon. :talk:

- G

 

[firefly]

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Not true. I grew up in a small country town and almost hit a kangaroo at night, whilst driving, that came bounding out of the local hospital grounds. Lol...scared the living @#%! out of me.

 

[johname]

Some parts were a bit too harsh for humour. :D

i agree

 

[holyroller]

Some parts were a bit too harsh for humour. :D

Maybe those would come under sarcasm then :hehe:

 

[ameRie]

LOL! hilarious! intelligent questions, brilliantly answered.

 

[James]

G'day.

Throw your aussie questions my way. :]

In Australia, do you ride kangaroos instead of motorcycles?

Only the cool kids ride kangaroos, at schools you'll see the daily kick about

 

[liquidcherry]

Not true. I grew up in a small country town and almost hit a kangaroo at night, whilst driving, that came bounding out of the local hospital grounds. Lol...scared the living @#%! out of me.

LOL< thx for admitting to DUI at night!! hehehehe

Cheers

Frank

 

[GF]

James,

If I'm visiting the island of Australia, how long would it take to circle the island on my bicycle? Should I take a bottle of water?

- GF

 

[johname]

I found part of this question on that nutty site:



Q: Can I circle the island on my bicycle? Should I take a bottle of water? ( USA )

A: What? Its not a dam Island, anyways your always by the ocean, it's got water so leave your bottle home..

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

 

[liquidcherry]

James:

Q:If i come to visit Australia, do i get a chance to meet Crocodile Dundy and have a tour with him?(Germany)

Cheers

Frank

 

[GF]

Wow, that was a pleasant surprise! Someone asked my same exact question. Thank you for the answer, johname!

I have other questions for James -

I've been looking at the bookstore for an English to Australian phrase book. I'd really like to be able to speak Australian with the islanders. Do you know where I can find one?

I've heard from friends that they thought the Australian countryside was beautiful. Are there tours that show scenes from The Sound of Music in Australia?

Are there phones in Australia, or will I need a didgeridoo to call people?

- GF

 

[dezinerite]

Are there phones in Australia, or will I need a didgeridoo to call people?

- GF

LMAO!!! :D Good one! :sold: