First 11 Funny Jokes Gets Domains

[athletec64]

Post a funny joke (funny in my opinion, and preferably one i haven't heard) and if i say your joke is funny enough, you can claim any domain (at domainsite). Btw, i would prefer if the joke was not just blatantly copy and pasted

californiashops.info
texasshops.info
rottenegg.info - taken by antman
floridashops.info
illinoisschools.info
newjerseyschools.info
palebrown.info
palepink.info - taken by veryboredme
virginiaschools.info
massachusettsschools.info
connecticutschools.info

 

[shockie]

Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds. He stopped at a house to ask for his monthly fee, only to find a small boy at the door slurping from a beer bottle, smoking a Havana cigar, and with his arm around what appeared to be a call-girl. Surprised, the milkman asked the boy if his parents were home.

"Does it look like it?"

 

[antman]

A man finds a lamp and decides to rub the dust off. Then, you guessed it, a Genie appears. :hehe:

The Genie tells the man he will grant him three wishes, but everything the man gets, his mother-in-law gets twice.

The man's first wish is for 10 million dollars. The Genie reminds the man that his mother-in-law will get 20 million dollars.

The man says, "that's ok."

The man's next wish is for a house by the sea.

Once again, the Genie reminds the man that his mother-in-law will get two houses by the sea; once again, the man says, "that's okay."

The man's last wish is to be beaten half to death!

*antman likes rotten eggs

 

[athletec64]

You both get domains, even though I don't really get what's so funny about your joke shockie...

just pm me with the domain u want and ur domainsite id

 

[shockie]

lol keep the domain

 

[champ_rock]

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!

ok if i get selected then i want californiashops.info

 

[u8l2]

Computer Diagnosis

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."


PS I dont want the domain

 

[.DX.]

Can i join...yup thanks..here is mine.

4 scientists camp in the desert.

Suddenly at night, one of the scientists wakes up the other 3 and asks them, "What can you tell looking at the sky?"

1st Scientist : Meteorologically, it's going to rain tomorrow.

2nd Scientist : Theorotically, the stars' position tells me, it's around 3:00 in the morning.

3rd Scientist : Practically! Our tent is stolen!

waiitng for ur reply

 

[veryboredme]

My try:

THE CAT USER'S MANUAL

User Installation and Maintenance Documentation

CAT vs. 7.0: Completely Autonomous Telepurronics

Manufactured by MOM CAT



System Design SpecifiCATions:
User Friendly
Mouse Driven
Self Cleaning
Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video and Audio Input
Audio Output
Auto Search Routines for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Instant Transition (2 nanoseconds) Between Standby
and Full Power Mode


Production Details:After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of on site ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during this period. Since MOM CAT uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units.



Transportation: A suitable transportation case should be used for transportation to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a CAT unit may result in loss or damage to the unit and/or serious injury to the end user.



Installation Procedures: Upon receiving the CAT unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are indiCATive of the MOM CAT production environment. The user may manually remove any bugs.

Bring the CAT to operation in an environment temperature at 70°F (±3° tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s) present. Open the transportation case and let the CAT unit autoexit. Initialize the self learning program Katfind® by displaying the input bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state, room temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy pellets. Immediately afterwards, display the output bin.

If the user already has a CAT unit successfully installed, it may be possible to transfer BASIC routines to the new CAT. For the first day or two, the CAT will stay in self learning mode. When the learn buffer overflows, the CAT will autoswitch to sleep mode. This is normal. The MMU system will store the new information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the CAT will be interacting with the operating environment.

The unit may be placed in direct sunlight. CAT units are operational in all axis: standing, sitting, or laying down. If all basic environment requirements are satisfied, the CAT system will produce a slight hum. This is normal.

A new CAT should not exit the primary site facility. Full portability comes after extensive burn in. Some users never let the CAT unit autoexit the site. The advantages are longer unit life and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate CAT units may lead to unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with untested CATs may lead to virus infection. If allowed to exit, fatal errors may happen. If you decide to let your CAT out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT file with a system address and URL which identifies the host site.

Your CAT should have a system name. The name may need to be reinitialized repeatedly until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many owners give their CAT's a secret password as well. You can also get the CAT's attention by booting the system. While this is effective, it is discouraged.



AppliCATions: At present, there are few productivity appliCATions for CAT.

MOUSE is a killer app. This is pre-installed.

Most owners use their system for game playing. CATs play best when they are new. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced response and flexibility. Some CAT games are:

CACHE
The CAT will CACHE a data string. Similar to the K9 unit game, but the object must be smaller.
JUMP
Move the data string through the air. The CAT unit will reach new heights of operation.
MIRROR
Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself. Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its name.
CHASE
Played between two CAT units or a CAT and a K9 unit. Units take turns as one is the data and the other attempts to parse it.
DANCE and SING
Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output.


Maintenance: CATs will self-recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24 hour cycle.

CATs are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol or benzene-based solvents. This may lead to a violent explosion.

A CAT unit should be taken once a year to a VET for a system checkup.

Do not attempt to open a CAT. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits unusual smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a VET.

You may examine the CAT system to determine if it has a male or female SCSI port. If the port is male, then the CAT unit may emit a non-toxic aerosol. The VET can remove this component. CATs with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. The VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal part. Such systems should run UNIX.



Warning Notices: CAT systems are normally user friendly. However, in certain documented situations, a CAT may pose a danger to the user. Repeated jamming or obstruction of I/O ports may lead to deployment of auto-defense systems. Never attempt a first strike on a CAT system. Its CPU clock rate made to mil specs and thus classified, but JANE'S FIGHTING FELINES notes that a unit was seen by ham radio operators to be apparently moving at 500 MHz. Twin D-shaped five-pin connectors have an average seek rate of 3 nanoseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to the user.

Children should not poke anything into the CAT's I/O ports. CAT may BYTE.

In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build up. To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface.

Do not operate the CAT above water. This may lead to end-user damage.

Carry the CAT firmly. Do not swing it by its "tail."



If you properly care for your CAT, it will give you years of loyal service. Many users get a second unit, to enjoy the ability to run complex simulation games.



User Groups: CAT users can find other users and FAQ on the Usenet Newsgroup: rec.pets.cats.



Lifetime Warranty: The CAT unit is guaranteed against CATastrophic failure. Nine coupons are included.



Documented Problems: The Ctrl key on most CAT units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.

Do not install a BIRD unit at a site which has an operational CAT unit. These tend to disappear.



System Features:
Models: Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest
footprint in the industry). Available in 15 inch, 17 inch, and
19 inch sizes.
Interface: Touch sensitive interface for maximum user
friendliness.
Memory: Not much. Upgrades available real soon now.
Expected Lifetime: 15 years (although 20 years is common).
Weight: 10 to 16 lbs... without optional cables.
Speed: 3 nanoseconds search/find with self-uprighting
supertwist technology.
Color Graphics: Either paper white, monochrome
(black/white), 64 gray shades, or maximum of 16 million
colors with 40 terrabits of high resolution floating point
pixels.
Sound Chip: 16 octaves, digital MIDI output (MI/OU).
Power Consumption: 250 grams protein daily (2 micrograms
per second.)
Operating Range: -22° to +105°F
Vibration: 5-500 Hz, one octave/min, dwell at all resonance
points.


Contacting CAT Technical Support: Our highly trained technicians are ready to help you. As soon as they wake up from their nap.

 

[Gene]

A skeleton walks into a bar. He says give me a beer and a mop.

 

[lazyleo]

"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant."

 

[rosh86]

im not after a domain name,

but was going to say the latest joke i have heard ...


Whats pink & fluffy?

....................
























pink fluff


Not funny at all if you askme, rather stupid ...lol

anyway thought to post it


Rosh

 

[evertonian7uk]

why does michael jackson like 29 year olds??






because there's 20 of them!!

 

[Muneeb2Good]

Two terrorists decide to kill an important government official. At 10 o'clock the next morning, they meet across the street from a building where the president is scheduled to have a meeting, and one of them brings a rocket propelled grenade launcher. Ten o'clock comes and goes, but no president. Then eleven o'clock. Eventually it's noon and the president still hasn't arrived. One terrorist turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope he's okay."

I guess that's how I feel about life. You wait and wait for the glorious victory, and by the time it arrives, tsch, you just want to go home and watch the Knicks. Gladys and me, we thought we had it all figured out

 

[JBebbington]

The Smartest Man In The World


One night, a small plane was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, a priest, and a hippie.

Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke.

The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!"

With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete and I should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Priest and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Priest spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, your holiness. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

 

[athletec64]

Haha, everyone gets a domain for effort. just pm me with your domainsite Id and the one that you want.

Thanks

 

[veryboredme]

I would like palepink.info if possible, thanx(PM sent)

 

[Ben42]

Here is an oldie but a goodie.

What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
-They both wipe out Klingons around Uranus.

Here is one I made up (it was the first and last joke attempt).

What kind of diapers do Elephants wear?
-Heavy Doody

Ummm, yeah.

 

[RegisterRants]

Taken from my site, lawl.mobi:

A zookeeper is trying to train an elephant to stand and sit on command. A man walks up to him and says "I bet you $500 that I can teach that elephant to sit on command." The zookeeper accepts the bet, and the man asks him to turn the lights off. The zookeeper does so, and the man promptly kicks the elephant in the balls. The elephant sat down. The zookeeper turned the lights on, and stared in awe. The man said "I bet you another $500 that I can teach him to stand on command." The zookeeper agrees, and once again turns the lights off. The man kicks the elephant in the balls again. The elephant stood up. The zookeeper stared, and handed the man the $1000. The man said "I bet you this $1000 that I can make it talk." The zookeeper again agreed. The man said "Turn the lights off," and the elephant said "No! Leave them on!"

 

[opio]

A woman walks into the meat market, and askes:

Woman: what do you have on sale

Butcher: a cows tounge

Woman: well, i'm not interested in anything that comes out of an animals mouth

Butcher: how about a dozen eggs?

lol...