- Impact
- 485
(old, but still hillarious!)
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. below is an e-mail he
sent to his sister. She then sent it to The X, 103.2 on your FM dial in Ft.
Wayne, IN who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to
say, she won.
"Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad
day at the "office". I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I
thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so
bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore
you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my "office" lies at the
bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the "office". It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is
this: we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the
bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my
wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a
Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but
the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot
water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now
since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what
I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I
informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers,
were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling
35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my dry chamber
decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my
brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire
out, but I couldn't poop for 2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse
it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now...repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
.
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He
performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. below is an e-mail he
sent to his sister. She then sent it to The X, 103.2 on your FM dial in Ft.
Wayne, IN who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to
say, she won.
"Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad
day at the "office". I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I
thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so
bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore
you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my "office" lies at the
bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the "office". It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is
this: we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the
bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my
wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a
Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but
the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened. The hot
water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now
since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what
I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I
informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers,
were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling
35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my dry chamber
decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my
brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire
out, but I couldn't poop for 2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse
it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now...repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
.
OUCH :p
