Sales letter - Long or short?

So far, 2 votes in favor of short sales letters! Anyone else? For comparison, examples of each would be:

LONG (courtesy of CoolHost from http://www.namepros.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1757 ):

ExampleDomain.com - Domain Name Inquiry.

Dear Mr./Mrs. Example:
We own the URL/domain name, "ExampleDomain.com" and we are currently entertaining all reasonable offers for purchase. The domain is registered at ExampleRegistrar and doesn't expire until 00/00/04. We can negotiate and accept an immediate Offer via Paypal ... and then easily "free push" the domain to YOUR account at ExampleRegistrar (the Registrar) within a matter of moments after acceptance.

If you are interested in acquiring this domain name for your site/business and this "Quick Sale" offer, or should you have any questions, please feel free to E-mail me at your earliest convenience. You may also call us toll-free at 1.800.XXX.XXXX!

Thank you for your time and consideration.
-Signed professionally

Click to expand...

SHORT :

Subject: domain.com FOR SALEfor $XX
Text: If you are interested, please contact me at your convenience. If this note is an intrusion, then I apologize and will never contact you again.

Regards,

Yourname

Click to expand...

Short is better. You can always add the other info in a reply email.

I like the long letter. It isn't too long and looks professional.

It appears that you know something about what you are
selling.

Overall, I prefer the short but would use both. The long for the better names where more time has been invested in researching and defining the prospect, the shorter for names w/ less income potential where time limitations only allow a general search for possible end-users.

The short message is probably more likely to get read completely. you can always hyperlink to more details on your site as a teaser and to get them there. The long version includes info about registrar, expiration, and closing which is not needed until you get interest in closing the sale.

What I don't like about the short version example is that 50% of it is an apology, which is pretty much like admitting you've done something bad by spamming or something. Stating it's a one time message is okay, but wording as an apology is probably counter-productive in giving yourself a negative right of the bat.

This would probably be better:

Dear Mr./Mrs. Example:
We own the URL/domain name, "ExampleDomain.com" and we are currently entertaining all reasonable offers for purchase with this once time notice. http://www.exampledomain.com

Please feel free to E-mail me at your earliest convenience. You may also call us toll-free at 1.800.XXX.XXXX or follow the link above for more details.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
-Signed professionally

Click to expand...

I guess my vote is the long is too long and the sort is too short.

i agree with mark there has to be some elaboration but not too much

I'm leaning towards possibly shortening up my approaches now ... here at the End user level! :D

Will update with new/revised Marketing Letter, thanks.

:notme:

I've started using short sales letters as well, and getting more responses. Also trying several formats - will update with the most successful ones in due time.

Basically try to put yourself in your end-user's shoes, probably a small businessman unacquainted with domaineering. What kind of approach would you respond to?

I've had no luck with the short letter, so I guess I'm leading towards a longer version (within reason).

ST

wow...very interesting, based on the sample letter/email formats presented here I find that the short versions are more effective... most individuals automatically delete/ throw away long communications from people/organizations that they don't know or have communicated with iin the past...

Great thread just what I was looking for... Thanks CH for the referral

Here's a personalized, long-form html letter that I am about to send to John Kerrey campaign HQ, when I nail down a specific person/dept to email to. Any input before I shoot it off??

Re: NextPresident.US

Dear Sirs:

We are proud to offer the web address name, NextPresident.US, for your consideration, as an enhancement to the campaign of the Next President of the United States, Senator John Kerry!

Statistics are impressive for this term. The Google search results of the base words, “Next President”, show 9,170,000 references with 159,000 unique links to the keyword phrase. Additionally, there were 52,600 Google news and 1,340,000 Newsgroup references for the term “Next President”. Thematically, the .US extention fits perfectly with Next President, which further optimizes the strength of this domain.

It is our belief that NextPresident.US would be a significant enhancement to Senator Kerry’s Presidential election campaign and would be effective as a supporter’s site and as a “pointer” to help direct viewer traffic to your main site. An additional, built-in benefit of this domain, is it’s timelessness. The owner will have the website, NextPresident.US, available for every future Presidential election campaign.


Professionally yours,

Click to expand...

Attached below is my new "long" format sales letter for one of my development companies.
Let me know what you think?



RE: ParkLaneRealty.com

To Whom It May Concern:

My Name is Richie Melaram and I am the VP of sales for RealtorServe. We are in the business of developing online Real Estate.
We are the current owner of ParkLaneRealty.com, and are currently entertaining reasonable offers for its acquisition. We can quickly transfer the name to you and payment can be accepted by credit card or bank wire.

By this time you must already know how important it is to have a website when dealing in Real Estate, potential clients practically demand it. We feel that the above mentioned web address fits your office like a glove.

If you are interested in purchasing ParkLaneRealty.com for your office/business, or should you have any questions about the web services we provide, feel free to call me toll free at 1.888.567.5537 or by sending me an email.

Some other Real Estate domains that might interest you:
AcbRealEstate.com NYSRealtors.com (NYS Realtors)
AdvancedAgents.com MyNYCrealtor.com (my NYC Realtor)
BestHomesInFlorida.com ReMaxGoldAgents.com
CareerRealtor.com RealEstateMgt.com (Real Estate Management)
KeyLargoFlorida.net LoanFacilities.com
HomeBuyerz.com iOwnRealEstate.com
DreamHome.ws (currently entertaining offers above 10k)


TIP: When looking for a name for your website be sure that it is, easily remembered, brand able and above all specifically related to your industry.


Sincerely,
Richie Melaram
VP Sales - RealtorServe.com
www.realtorserve.com
[email protected]
1.888.567.5537

Short with a link to more information.

Grrilla --

Great letter, but you should also add in something about being an economic investment, by saving the campaign advertising money through use of the site. The Kerry campaign has been advertising online, so that should hit home.

Good luck...

This could be a case that "depends" on the situation and your style. For example, one school of marketing would have you believe that shorter is better, so that the two-step would probably be good here: send a short letter first, and follow it up with another message if the prospect replies.

But there are those (you've seen them in print and on the web; especially with those make-$$$ quick, etc.) that go for length, their tactic being that you "hook" the reader with each and every paragraph, and though long, the idea is to make each paragraph interesting (or controversial) enough so that the reader is compelled to read on to the next paragraph, and so on.. the idea being to lower their defenses or even to lull them into taking serious interest in what you're selling.

So this is probably a matter of taste because different people (that includes both ends of the spectrum, the seller and buyer) respond to letters in different ways.

Still as a general rule, "pith" is the safer route. Being able to cram as much info, influence and persuasion in as short a message as possible has become an art-form, and something people and companies pay copy-writers big $$$ for. So that should be a good indicator.

Armstrong, I hope you don't mind the bump of an old thread of yours, but this is a good discussion and I feel it died a permature death.

I've tried short and long letters, but seem to get better response from the short ones. (Likely that long ones tend to appear "spammy" and get trashed w/o being read)

Here are a couple of examples. In this one, the domain is parked with a domain marketplace (Sedo)...

Dear Mr. Exampleton,

Good evening!

I own the domain name, "Example.net" ... currently listed for sale at Sedo:
http://www.example.net

I am considering all reasonable offers for the domain name at this time as my development plans for it have been indefinitely delayed. Would your company have any interest in acquiring this domain name?

Thank you, and please contact me here with any further questions.

- Joe Domain

Click to expand...

Here is another letter used to sell a domain originally bought for a project, but ended up not using. This letter was sent to the owner of "example-dom.com" (an abbreviated version of my domain) in a polite attempt to offer them my name.

Sirs,

My partner and I are the owners of exampledomain.com and example-domain.com.

We bought these from the previous owner to use for our new business, but have decided to go with a different name. Do you have any interest in acquiring these domains?

RJ

Click to expand...

P.S. Don't be a spammer!

Yeah short, simple, and to the point sounds good.