World's Funniest Joke

[dgridley]

Professor Richard Wiseman carried out an internet experiment five years ago to find the world's best gag.

A joke about two US hunters who go into the woods topped the poll after more than 100,000 people around the world cast their vote on 40,000 jokes.

Here's the joke:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5064020.stm#quote

 

[Mels]

That was humorous. :lol:

 

[AGS]

Here are a couple of my favourates, don't all laugh at once lol:

EDIT: Damn I just realised, I am English, this might not work on our friends in the USA because we have different meanings of the word "fanny."
Basically in the US it means arse but here in the UK it means something else, the thing opposite the arse that only women have.

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it's been one month since my last confession.
I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Mary's'."

Soon, another man enters the confessional.
"Father, it has been two months since my last confession.
I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" "A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'."

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.
All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style. The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?"

The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think its just the reflection
off her shoes".

And:

There was this man and his wife that had gone abroad on holiday and had a great 2 weeks. At the end of the holiday they had 2 animals that they wanted to bring back to the U.K, a snake and a skunk.

They were trying to figure out ways of getting them through customs and into the U.K without getting caught. The snake was no problem, the wife just suggested he put it down the front of his trousers and if the customs said anything he should just say that he was well endowed. Problem solved.

But they just couldn't decide on where to put the skunk. After about 5 hours and getting nowhere the husband just said, "Look, there's only one thing for it, you'll just have to put it inside your knickers," to which the wife replied, "Yes, but what about the smell?"

And the husband said, "Well if it dies, it dies."

 

[GeneCosta]

Here are a couple of my favourates, don't all laugh at once lol:

EDIT: Damn I just realised, I am English, this might not work on our friends in the USA because we have different meanings of the word "fanny."
Basically in the US it means arse but here in the UK it means something else, the thing opposite the arse that only women have.



And:

Those two are great.

The last one had me giggle.

 

[Mr. Websites]

:lol:
This is one of the best jokes I've heard, definitely just as funny as the highest ranked one!

This was posted last year in this forum.

 

[movingconcierge]

Here's one of my favorites for what it's worth...

A Monkey sleeping in a tree is awakened by a young lion below.

The Lion says, "Hey monkey! Come on down from there...let's play!"

The Monkey (clearly trembling) replies, "No way! You're a lion and you eat monkeys."

The Lion persists, "I promise I won't eat you. I'm bored and want to play. What can I do to convince you I mean you no harm?"

The Monkey replies, "Fashion those vines to your legs so you can't move. Make sure they are very tight."

The Lion complies and then assures the Monkey that he cannot move.

The Monkey then climbs down from the tree and stands over the Lion. He is now shaking now more than ever...

The Lion asks (with a puzzled look on his face), "Monkey! What's wrong? I have fashioned these vines to my legs and cannot move at all. There is no way I can get up to hurt you! Why are you still shaking?"

The Monkey replies, "I've just never f**ked a lion before."

ba-dum-bump

 

[briman1970]

:hehe: Good one!