OK, I'm a male, and these are generally geared toward a woman's perspective of men. But, in all fairness, you have to be able to make fun of yoursel too sometimes. A female freind sent me these awhile back:
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"..."Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
1) Fictional character ina romance novel
2) A figmen of your imagination
3) A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...Whoosh...The FEMALE fairy immediately turned him to a ninety year old!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green and when I''m in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
-------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"..."Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
-------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
1) Fictional character ina romance novel
2) A figmen of your imagination
3) A rumor
-------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...Whoosh...The FEMALE fairy immediately turned him to a ninety year old!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
-------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green and when I''m in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
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