What do you think of my song? Please Appraise!!!

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itoones

Established Member
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Hi,
I made this song, is in english, (I have made a lot of songs in english and portuguese, just for fun), but my english is very bad, but I tried.
Anyway, what do you think? The lyric makes sense? (it makes sense in portuguese).
Still needs a little adjustments in the lyric, (and you know, the rest of the song), but here it is.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1f8BKX5Q20"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1f8BKX5Q20[/ame]

Thanks!!
 
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