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discuss How's my outbound text?

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YairDD

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Hi all!

I'm doing outbound for a while now and I had a lot of success with it, but I want to improve the text I'm sending to companies as I think what I send them is far from good.

This is what I send to companies:

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Hi,

I own the domain X and I have decided to put it up for sale and I thought you may be interested in acquiring it as this domain can be a great addition to your business.

If you are, please visit the domain X and make an offer through the landing page and we will go from there.

Sincerely,
Yair

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I know there is a lot of room for improvement, hence I created this thread.

Any advice?

Thank you!
 
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The views expressed on this page by users and staff are their own, not those of NamePros.
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Hi all!

I'm doing outbound for a while now and I had a lot of success with it, but I want to improve the text I'm sending to companies as I think what I send them is far from good.

This is what I send to companies:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi,

I own the domain X and I have decided to put it up for sale and I thought you may be interested in acquiring it as this domain can be a great addition to your business.

If you are, please visit the domain X and make an offer through the landing page and we will go from there.

Sincerely,
Yair

------------------------------------------------------------------------


I know there is a lot of room for improvement, hence I created this thread.

Any advice?

Thank you!

I really liked the format. :) Short. Simple. Call to action.
Gonna use it.

Thanks :)
 
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When you do outbound marketing constantly, you will come across some repeated end users from time to time. That's why. Say this month you do outbound for a financial related domain. 3 months later you do outbound for a domain targeted towards a similar or closely related subject/industry, and email the same end user again (offering a different domain). That 1 email is now 2...
 
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Not a bad email at all. I use something very similar myself.
 
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Yup
 
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Nice one...does anyone add a reason or explain how a domain could be beneficial, like an upgrade from a cctld to a com or how a name would suit the business better than they already own, just to get the buyer thinking. Or is it best to keep it simple and wait for a reply.
 
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Good, short and to the point.

I'd only add this "If you do not want to be disturbed again, please let us know"

Something on that line for them not to be disturbed again.
 
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Good, short and to the point.

I'd only add this "If you do not want to be disturbed again, please let us know"

Something on that line for them not to be disturbed again.

I'll adopt that line and will add that at the end.

thank you!
 
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Do you do outbound for GEO domains or general domains?
 
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I use similar format though add a buy now link of which the domain is listed.
 
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I use similar format though add a buy now link of which the domain is listed.
So do you see adding this help buyer and less negotiates? And taking follow up?
 
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haven't done a lot of outbound. the hi sounds more social, so i use greetings. and at the end best regards or just regards . al the same it a short and straight forward format .
 
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I never start a sales email with Hi because I feel it sounds a bit unprofessional. Personally I use Hello.
 
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I never start a sales email with Hi because I feel it sounds a bit unprofessional. Personally I use Hello.
Between "Hi" and "Hello" is big difference in English?
 
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Between "Hi" and "Hello" is big difference in English?

Yes, 'Hi' is more colloquial, ie less formal, 'Hello' would be a little more professional, or to a business I sometimes put 'To Whom it May Concern'.....
 
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Yes, 'Hi' is more colloquial, ie less formal, 'Hello' would be a little more professional, or to a business I sometimes put 'To Whom it May Concern'.....
I never really liked To Whom It May Concern because it makes the recipient think it was just sent to a random person and he just so happened to be the person that received it.
 
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I never really liked To Whom It May Concern because it makes the recipient think it was just sent to a random person and he just so happened to be the person that received it.

Though its difficult, if I get a work email that just says Hi or Hello I know immediately its a sales email and that person has no idea who I am, a lot of the time I will delete those without reading them, but I take your point.
 
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Though its difficult, if I get a work email that just says Hi or Hello I know immediately its a sales email and that person has no idea who I am, a lot of the time I will delete those without reading them, but I take your point.

That's why it's important to habe the domain immediately in the sentence after hi or hello. Because thanks to modern email tech, th eres a preview that forces the user to see the first sentence right in their inbox.

Burying the lead only makes it more probable that who you're emailing will delete without seeing at least the domain name.
 
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Hi all!

I'm doing outbound for a while now and I had a lot of success with it, but I want to improve the text I'm sending to companies as I think what I send them is far from good.

This is what I send to companies:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi,

I own the domain X and I have decided to put it up for sale and I thought you may be interested in acquiring it as this domain can be a great addition to your business.

If you are, please visit the domain X and make an offer through the landing page and we will go from there.

Sincerely,
Yair

------------------------------------------------------------------------


I know there is a lot of room for improvement, hence I created this thread.

Any advice?

Thank you!

I think your email is good. If possible though, I would try to address it to a key person/persons at the company, then you can say "Hi/Dear Mr/Ms..." or "Hi/Dear John" or whatever.
Perhaps you are already doing this, but I commented because the email you showed us just says "Hi".
Best of luck with your sales.
 
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That's why it's important to habe the domain immediately in the sentence after hi or hello. Because thanks to modern email tech, th eres a preview that forces the user to see the first sentence right in their inbox.

Burying the lead only makes it more probable that who you're emailing will delete without seeing at least the domain name.

Isn't putting the domain name in the Subject area good enough? Or is that area better for something else?
 
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