Fewski

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT IT TAKES A COLLEGE DEGREE TO FLY AN AIRPLANE BUT ONLY A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA TO FIX ONE


After every flight Quanta's pilots fill out a form , called a "gripe sheet", which tells
mechanics about problems with the aircraft . the mechanics correct the problems , document
their repairs on the form , then the pilots review the gripe sheet right before the next
flight . never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. here are some of the (supposedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Quanta's pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (as marked with an M) by the maintenance engineers;

P; left inside main tire almost need replacement .
M; almost replaced left inside main tire

P;test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M; auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P;something loose in the cockpit
M'something tightened in the cockpit

P;dead bugs on windshield.
M; live bugs on backorder.

P;autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 foot per minute descent.
M' cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

P;evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear
M; evidence removed.

P;DME volume unbelievably loud
M; DME volume reset to a more believeable level

P; friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
M; thats what friction locks are for.

P; IFF inoperative in OFF mode
M; IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P;supected crack in windshield
M; suspect your right.

P'; the number 3 engine is missing .
M; engine 3 found on right wing after a brief search.

P; aircraft handles funny
M; aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right , and be serious.

P; target radar hums
M; reprogrammed target rader with lyrics

P;mouse in cockpit
M; cat installed

and the best one saved for last ....
P ; noise coming from under the instrument panel . sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M; took hammer away from the midget.

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