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| The Break Room Casual discussion about non-industry related topics. |
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11-05-2005, 06:46 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| NamePros Member Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 177
   | Well I don't think that it's easy to find one joke, and label it as your favorite. : But while you mentioned it, here's a couple of jokes I just found: Good for the Heart A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions. On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead. When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party. Blonde in a boat. There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!” |
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11-05-2005, 10:22 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Senior Member  Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,538
| lol that blonde in a boat is funny
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11-06-2005, 03:33 AM
| #6 (permalink) | ||||
| Senior Member  Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Lansing MI
Posts: 2,544
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11-06-2005, 06:33 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| NamePros Member Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 177
| Hehe, here's another: Not Going To Try This Again A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. ????: NamePros.com http://www.namepros.com/the-break-room/137685-best-joke-you-have-ever-heard.html She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse. |
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11-06-2005, 09:25 AM
| #9 (permalink) | ||||
| Senior Member  Join Date: May 2005 Location: Regina, Sask, Canada
Posts: 1,318
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11-06-2005, 12:37 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| NamePros Legend  Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: SW Missouri
Posts: 18,396
 | A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there." |
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11-06-2005, 10:44 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Senior Member  Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: New Zealand
Posts: 3,746
| a brunette was standing on a railway line saying "68" "68" "68" and a blonde comes up and wonders what shes doing, so the blonde stands behind the brunette and they both say "68" "68" "68" "68" "68" "68" and then a train comes, the brunette jumps off but the blonde gets killed.. then the brunette jumps back on and says "69" "69" "69"... oh heres another.. why'd the boy eat his homework? it was a piece of cake
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11-06-2005, 11:05 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Senior Member   Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 3,876
| Dear Signor Diretorre, Now I am tella you the story how i was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as a younga man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see is no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed?! I call down the recepcione and tella: "I wanna shit". They tell me "Go the toillett". I say "No, no I wanna shit in my bed". They say "you betta not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch". What is a sonnawabitch?! I go down for ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and eggs and two pisses of toast. I get only one pisse of toast. I tella waitress and pointa of toast - "I wanna piss". She tella me "Go to the toillet". I say "No , no I wanna piss on my plate". She then say to me "you bloody fella ????: NamePros.com http://www.namepros.com/showthread.php?t=137685 not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". Second person who do not even know me and calle me sonnawabitch!! What is a sonnawabitch!?? Later I go dinner into ristorante. spoon and knifeis laid out but no fock. I tella waitress "I wanna fock" and she tella me " Sure everybody wanna fock". I tella her " No, no you dont understand me " I wanna fock on the table". She then tella me " So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get your ass out of here". So I go to the recepcione and ask for the billa. I no wanna stay in this hotella no more. When i have pay the billa, the porter say to me "Thank you, and peace on you". I say " Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch". I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella, you sonnawabitch. |
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11-07-2005, 12:04 AM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Ravaged By Age  Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: PST + 8
Posts: 3,502
 | Mine is a tiny bit rude, but funny nonetheless. Guy walking his dog along railway one day finds a beautiful woman tied to the railway tracks. So in horror (as you can imagine), he runs over to the woman and unties her as fast as he can. After she is untied, he takes her back to his house and ends up making love to her all weekend. On the monday he goes to work and tells the guys at work this amazing story and they are simply dumbstruck. One of the guys then says "did you get a blowjob from her as well?", and the man replies.......... wait for it....... "NO, I couldnt find her head......." 
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11-07-2005, 02:09 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| The MINISITE King  Join Date: May 2005 Location: QTHR
Posts: 4,594
   | A sweet young Blonde walks down the front path to her letterbox, opens it and Then yell out "Darn". She goes back inside . 5Mins later she is back down at the Letterbox and Yells out loudly "Stupid thing" ,this is repeated maybe another 10 times over the next hour , with even more frequent and vocal outbursts. The Last time she bursts in a torrent of tears , the next door neighbour who had been watching the scenario unfolds runs over to her and asks, "What is wrong Dear" "My New Computer is Broken ,it keeps telling me I have MAIL"
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